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21 February 2016

Writing a Eulogy

i have never written a eulogy for any of the people i have loved. but i have had a few funerals for some fuck boys in my life. and it is looking like i am about to have another one.

if you are new to my world (i.e. my blog), here is something that you need to know: i murder the men i date when things end. no, i am not a black widow or some crazy serial killer. i only kill them in my mind. and upon their death, they are given a funeral. i bury them away some where. it is as if they never existed in my life.

yes that is hella extreme, but i don't critique your coping strategies. so i have said all of that to say, i am writing another eulogy. this one was a long time coming, but there is only so much self inflicted pain a bih can take. remember i said that. i did this too myself. i was very well aware that this person would never get any act right when it came to me. not that he couldn't but there was no want to improve on my behalf. and that is cool. i am not everybody's cup of tea, but that doesn't mean you can mistreat me because i am high caffeine green ginger and you prefer orange herbal spice. and that is why this funeral must take place.

*plays "It's so hard to say Goodbye" the Boyz II Men version*
*cuts off after 10 seconds*
*sings Niggas gon' always be niggas, Can't afford to give my heart to these niggas*

i have been proclaiming that the shop was closed and i was focusing on myself, but i have really been entertaining these fools that should die slow. again, i don't blame the men, this is my fault. it's like when a guy finally realizes that he has only been fooling with so called "basic bitches", he wants to do better. i really want to do better, i need to do better. hopefully killing these niggas well help me get where i need to be quicker.

my God... i need a therapist.