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19 October 2013

Look at what I found

as i was entertaining a 4 year old today, i discovered a story i wrote a few years ago. it is not only a testimony about my relationships with men but one of the reasons i started this blog. this very short story did happen just as it was written.

I sat at the island of the very large Lysol/Clorox cleaned kitchen. The room was not necessarily large, but bigger than the kitchen at my home. He sat across from me smiling and I deflected his attention by talking to my best friend. Then it happened.

"What is that?"
"It's my class ring"
"What do you want me to do with it?"
"What if I told you I wanted you to wear it?"
"I would tell you stop joking."
I slid the ring back across the island.
My best friend bewildered at the conversation and even more confused by my response, nudged me with her elbow.
"Okay, you can't say I didn't try."
"You are such a jokester."

I left shortly after that interaction and never thought on that moment again. There was no possible way that the milk chocolate Casanova of Hampton University was interested in a fat, frumpy, bushy eyebrowed girl from JMU. Things like that didn't happen to me.

My best friend always said I underestimated how men felt about me, but I always placed myself in the friend zone. It was easier if I was a friend because there was no disappointment if the feelings weren't  reciprocated.

"You know ...... wife is such a nice girl."
"Well he is a nice guy. I hate that I have not met her yet."
"It could have been you."
"Excuse me?"
"I think that if you'd told him how you really felt, he would have never married her."
"Well I didn't. Besides when I had the balls to do it, they were engaged. So I will keep that secret to myself."

That was the story of my life thus far, the "what if". I was on a boat with no navigation in the ocean of dating. This cycle was getting redundant and I wanted to start a new one.

06 October 2013

When SHE doesn't like you ...

she had been giving me the stank face for about 10 minutes. normally i would have beat a chick's face in for gawking that long, but i had to restrain myself. the young lady scowling at me happened to be the girlfriend of my best guy friend (BGF). and it was obvious that she did not like me. he and i had never dated, but we cared a great deal about each other. that little tidbit seemed to make her uncomfortable.

BGF and i had known each other since high school and reconnected after i finished college. because we were both single, we spent all of our time together doing couple stuff. we went to movies, went out to eat and spent the vast majority of our waking moments in each others parents. and i know y'all are asking, no we never got busy. we never even kissed or held hands, but i was in love with my BGF. he would have never known if my mom had tended her own business and not mine. and he loved me too, just not in the way that I loved him.

so i put on my big girl panties and chose friendship over a relationship. shortly thereafter, he contacted me about meeting his new girlfriend. of course i felt some kinda way about it, but he was my closest friend and i wanted to be mature. but on that day, i knew that my friendship with my BGF was in danger. from the moment that she hit the door at Blockbuster Music, i knew i was a goner. my BGF was so enthusiastic when he made the introduction and she was not happy about the visit or my presence. she gave me a weak "hello", but i was so excited about seeing my friend that i let it slide. my BGF, his best friend and his best friend's girl were having a lively conversation while ole sour puss stood there giving me the stank face.

the next day, i was forced to have an awkward talk about my thoughts on this young lady who "gritted" on me for no reason. when asked, i said she was "aight" and maybe because she didn't know me she acted a tad aloof. he agreed and felt that after she knew me better, we would be one big happy family. but that phone call was one of the few i received during their relationship. he quit me to maintain his new found love.

his best friend called me to discuss how unfair it was that my BGF was not talking to me anymore. i didn't have any comments. he made his decision and i couldn't change that. i kinda understood, but that didn't make my feelings hurt any less. i am not even sure how long they were a couple, but it changed our friendship. i'm not even sure he realized the damage that was done. when they were no longer a couple, we didn't even discuss our "break up". he came back around and we were cool, but we really weren't cool.

i say all this to say; men and women can be friends. but just like any other friendship, it requires work. and you have to make sure that your mate understands & respects friendships that exists prior to them becoming a part of your life. when anybody becomes a part of a "team", the nature of friendships will change but should not be damaged or destroyed for any reason. i know y'all are saying "he's obligation was to her", but was it? he kept his obligation to his male friends, but i was not given that same consideration. oh cuz i have a vagina? but i was his friend and that was supposed to be important. friendship is important, well at least to me it is.