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26 October 2008

In love with a thug.....

 at work one day, my co-workers and i were discussing men; my favorite topic of the moment. we were going back and forth about the type of men we dated and what we look for in a man. then one of the ladies described her ideal man in a way i have heard all too often.
"i need a little thug in my man."
 my response: "your ass is too dayum old to want a thug in your life!"
i know that was a little blunt, but i am sick of women looking for a little thug in their life. most of the women who want a "little thug" don't know a real one and would never want to date one. what the majority of them consider thuggish is a little bit of mean mugging and loud talking.

i am not saying that a woman should want a punk, but you must know the difference in being manly and mannish. the dictionary defines manly as possessing qualities befitting a man, as strength or bravery. on the other hand mannish is defined as resembling or imitative of or suggestive of a man rather than a woman. by definition alone you can see there is a huge difference.

ever since 2pac started screaming thug life, young men have been pretending and young women have fed into the stereotype by saying its 'sexy'. i happened to see an episode of "Divorce Court" where the wife said she needed a thug and her husband wasn't one. she did not want a man to ask her what she would like for dinner "cuz a thug will just tell you what having." really? do you really want to pump gas all the time and never have a door opened for you? i thought that women wanted a chivalrous man, but i guess there is an exception to every rule.. she is an example of the women who want a man to be a thug, but be romantic with them. i am sorry but thuggin is not a part time character trait.

what is it about a thug that is so attractive? i don't mean physically either because i have seen some extremely attractive thugs (peep Hood Fab in Bowen Homes). but what is it about tumultuous relationships that turn women on? i personally hate drama and all the back & forth, ups & downs is too much stress. yes all relationships have hills and valleys but when you and your "thug" break up every other day, its a bit extreme. if someone has a successful relationship with a "thug", i would like to hear about it and see how you make it work.

i believe the "thug love" phenomenon is an excuse for people to engage in immature relationships. sometimes an adult relationship is too much for some women to handle, but the idea of being alone is worse (peep my blog Pause). if they can handle relationships like they did as a youngster when life was easy, it doesn't seem so serious. but at some point you have to let go of the idea that 50 Cent is going to sweep you off your feet. if you don't progress in your thinking, neither will your relationships. look at your girlfriends who date "thugs". how are their relationships? as matter of fact, how is their life? still the same way since high school or college?
now is that what you really want? i would hope not.

so be careful what you wish for when you say you need a little "thug" in your life.

*hums "Thug Love all up in the tub" (please ask me about this tune)


suga said...

I've always felt that thug loving leads to bricks upside the head. I'm too cute to be walkin around with a black eye and my afro smashed up on the side.

These people who need a thug are confused about what strenth and power is all about. All women want to be protected, to feel safe, but you dont need a THUG in order to get that.

Most of it boils down to daddy issues and such.

Naturally Alise said...

I dated one thug total in my life and the "qualities" I thought I was getting in said thug was not were not there. For example, I wanted someone to 'protect' me but a real thug is about self and has no interest in protecting you unless it benefits him in some kind of way, so that was out the window. All of his attributes and my issues of wanting those attributes in my life were the effect of as suga just said, "daddy issues and such", bcuz I had a plenty of those (some resolved & some unresolved)...

great post!

favorisntfair said...

I still don't know what in the world women are looking for thugs for husbands and fathers. I mean, I'm not trying to keep a separate account for bail money.

I have thoroughly enjoyed all of the post that I have read today! I have went back and I have been in stitches because I have something in common with every single post. I stopped reading at the post about the Booty

Keep up the good work!

Kofi Bofah said...

I think that women want a man to take charge - regardless of if he is thought of as a thug or not.

A lot of these corporate dudes act like Carlton Banks. You can still be corporate and edgy - but it is a difficult combination for a lot of brothers to pull off.