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06 September 2017

Yeah I blocked him ...

so Issa found out Lawrence blocked her on Facebook. and i laughed hysterically. 
yes i have been blocked before and the reason for it was pretty stupid (yes, stupid), but that was his social media account not mine. but i had blocked him waaaaaaaay before he blocked me. i know myself and blocking him was very necessary. so maybe Lawrence had a reason for blocking Issa. maybe it helped him deal with the break up, deal with the idea that she had started something new with Daniel. i could relate totally.

after he held me hostage in his truck and told me that we could no longer mess around and that he wanted us to be friends, i didn't block him. after he picked me up from the airport and told me his girl didn't know because they argue about me all the time, i didn't block him. after he broke up with the first chick and started fooling with another chick almost immediately, i didn't block him. the day that i sent him a DM on Twitter and he was dismissive toward me was the day i blocked him. and it had nothing to do with his actions. 

i realized at that moment, i was a glutton for punishment. he was never going to tell me to go away and was going to accept all of my advances, whether they were serious or just in jest. and i didn't know how to quit him cold turkey, so i HAD to block him. and as soon as i did that, i got a friend request on Facebook. we had NEVER been friends on Facebook. i declined his offer of friendship. i no longer needed access to his life or his thoughts or emotions. i had to become my mother in this situation.

as a child when i wanted things, my mother would hit me with a phrase i didn't understand until i was an adult.

"You are not too old for your wants not to hurt you" 

suddenly her statement made all types of sense. i wanted something that was NEVER going to happen and that shit hurt like crazy. and for me to move forward, i had to obliterate his existence from my life. he had to be unrecognizable to me, i needed to know nothing about him, make him a stranger in my world again. so blocking him from everything was the right thing to do. what works for me might not work for you. but the block button is my new best friend.

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