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14 August 2014

Dead Horse Beating: It's all about the numbers

i am starting a new segment on my blog called Dead Horse Beating. in these posts, i will cover all the topics that have been discussed ad nauseum. so why not continue murdering the horse? yeah because i am going to pummel your mind with it some more. yaaaaay!!!!

every five days on Twitter, the conversation of body count rears its ugly head.  body count, for those who don’t know, is the number of people who you have had sex with.  the ranting usually starts with some young man who still resides in his mother’s home stating that if a girl has slept with more than 0.5 men, including him, she is a whore. this same underemployed owner of nothing gentleman is the same person who wants a bad bitch, lady in the streets/freak in the sheets, that “rides nice d*ck”.  how might a virginal young lady obtain these qualities? i was always taught that practice makes perfect, but if you don’t want her to practice … what is she to do?

but what about the inexperienced male? i always assumed that every man i have slept with has been with millions of chicks. not because he knows special tricks and does things to me that are amazing, i believe it is just the way men are socialized. men are taught that quantity is better than quality, until its time to settle down. and since these men are not settling down with me, i assume i am one of the millions. yes it is an asshole of an assumption, but i am going solely on my encounters. unlike men, women don’t really want a man who has a low body count. the most frequent complaint about men with low body counts is nobody has time to “teach a man what he should already know”. which closes the circle on men being socialized to have lots of sexual partners.

the video clip above is from a web series called “The Number”. the premise is that a couple gets engaged and they agree to reveal their body counts. well the young lady’s number is waaaaaaaaaaay bigger than the guys number. she has even slept with a few of his co-workers (before she met him). and the story goes from there. normally women are angered by the whole body count number because it shows them in a negative light. they don’t want to be judged nor categorized by the number. but in this clip, they do just what they don’t want done to them. they judge the young man in the relationship because his number is low. they complain about having to teach him and him not knowing what he was doing in bed. it was hypocrisy at its finest.

but what is the solution to this reoccurring issue? stop asking questions when you can’t handle the answers. i don’t care about the number of people my partner has been with. as long as he is not infecting me or fucking someone in my family, i don’t need to know anything about a number. and any man that wants to have sex with me will never ask me that question. if he does, he won’t be added to my number of bed partners.

13 August 2014

Penis People Points - Exclamations

this week i have a male guest writer speaking on a topic that most women have questions about: men and the need for multiple partners. please let me know how you feel about this post. moving forward there may be more from him. i present to you ....exclamations.


When BeyoncĂ© asked the grammatically incorrect question “Who run the world?” ,  she was not accurate when the answer she gave was girls. The answer, however, could be a five-letter word that we all know very well. Yep, you got it. Pussy. Pussy runs the world.

Over the past few years I’ve talked to several women who just couldn’t grasp why men have the innate need for multiple partners. Most of them attribute it to a man’s lack of self-control, or to the fact that most men are trifling. While some of the culprits discussed may fit those superficial profiles, the majority of men don’t. I know, another man trying to stick up for all men is a tall task. Let me be the first to say that this is not my aim, but I am going to shed some light on why I think we men go after multiple women.

In the great nation of Manlandia—because we certainly didn’t come from the same planet as women— it is every man’s job to construct his image of the perfect woman. Some men’s preferences are more complex than others; rich, tall, light skinned, hipster virgin with absolutely no body hair, and the perfect vaginal radius to fit his manhood. Others may be quite simple; no children, loves God, and is adequately attractive. The truth is that we all have our subconscious superman/woman, but most men actually believe one of two things; either we haven’t met her or she doesn’t exist.

So, then what do we do? We make her exist.

For some of us that do believe that she does exist, I like to think of it like a roulette table. You know, you either bet on black or red (white in this case). After you get through the initial color barrier, then we go to characteristics that we find favorable (career, personality, sex drive, sexual performance, loyalty, attractiveness, previous children, attitude) we place our “bets” and then we place the ball in the hole and go for a spin. If you’re lucky, your bets will bring back positive returns, and eventually you begin to place more of your money on a specific number (black 26) in hopes of hitting the jackpot. Most men get in relationships and may possibly marry those women, but if they aren’t content with that black 26, they’ll still bet on other numbers. The truth is, that man has settled for a good thing, but isn’t completely all in because it’s not a great thing. So he’ll bet on the side until he feels safe on black 26, or until he is put in a predicament where he’ll lose black 26.

Now, for the men that simply don’t believe that she exists, he will continue to play the field, because...well shit, in their mind, they can’t lose.

I’m using this figurative language to suggest that even though pussy may run the world, pussy is not the solitary reason men desire other women. Pussy is the exclamation point to a good sentence, but if you can’t supply good substance in the sentence, then you’ll only end up being a part of the sentence.

If a man doesn’t believe that you’re his ideal woman, then you can never make him think that you are, regardless of how much fucking, sucking, cooking, and fucking you do. He’ll just say That was some good ass exclamation mark. Now, if only I can find that in a good sentence…

So, although BeyoncĂ©’s fallacy created a stirring uproar of self-confidence amongst women, it might also have reeled some into the exclamation mark category. Most men are searching for their “black 26”, and if they’re getting lucky along the way, then they’ll continue to play until they hit the jackpot. Having multiple partners, especially ones with phenomenal sex, might not be the best practice, but it sure does add a hell of a lot of emphasis to a good sentence!

-Donkor Uriah

03 August 2014

The First Date: To Sex or Not to Sex

i have never (technically) had sex on the first date. that doesn't mean that i have not wanted to do it, but i always stop myself. let me take you through my thought process.

me: lordt he looks delicious, i could just ...
conscious: don't even think about it.
me: but its been a minute and he is looking all manlike.
conscious: nope.
me: why not man? why not?
conscious: he is not gonna respect you if you do that.
me: i don't need respect tonight.
conscious: really? how about this....can you imagine dealing with him for 18 yrs?
me: why you go there?
conscious: i'm saying, there are a ton of condom babies out there.

so after that debate, my libido has been crushed and i resign to just enjoying the company of the man that i am with. i am even a little frightened of making out with said gentleman because then i am going to want to *insert pelvic thrusts*. don't get me wrong, i want respect from my sexual partner. but what does us having sex have to do with respect? it is an old wives tale that has been circulating since the beginning of time. "if you give it up too quick, then he won't respect you." and that no good, ole fake afro, veneer wearing Steve Harvey has upped the ante by propagating the 90 day rule. but the real question is - did anybody ever ask women if they wanted to have sex on the first date or before 90 days?

understand that if a guy has sex on the first date, he gets a high five from the room. if a chick does the same, she gets looks and sneers especially from other women. i am going to assume that everybody reading my blog is an adult (if not LOG OFF NOW CHIRREN) and we all make adult decisions. i asked a few women about their "sex on the first date" experience and they were more positive than the world would want you to believe. each person spoke about being attracted to the person they were on the date with and the huge level of comfort they felt. those were the main factors that lead to the sex. these women are grown and if they decide to have sex with their dates on the first night, good for them.

as far as the people that are judging them, please go out and get you some. because obviously no one is volunteering the sex to you. why are you worried about the next chick/dudes bedroom bully activities? as long as people are safe and consenting, it's not my business. oh and as long as she ain't fooling with MY peen, she is good in my book. so if you feel that urge and you want to knock boots (dating myself ) on the first date, i say "handle your business". life is too short to live it filled with regrets, regret nothing and seek happiness.