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25 September 2017

I want my two dollars!!

i am still waiting on my $150. i was promised $500 because it took so long to pay me back. i didn't ask for five hundred, i just wanted my measly one hundred and fifty dollars.

i am not rich. i make enough money to pay my bills, have dinner with my friends and get a mani/pedi every two weeks. and honestly i did not miss my money. i gave it to someone i loved that was in need. if it was returned great, if not i would be okay. and i have been fine the past two years, but there was a burning flint in my spirit that made me come back to the borrowed funds that were not returned. and even though i am the queen of petty, the borrower was the one who tossed gasoline and a whole ass lighter on my spark.

the person in question felt like i was the only one he could talk to regarding his relationship issues, despite him discarding me to be with other chicks (whole 'nother blog). as a glutton for extra punishment, i listened to the gripes. on two separate occasions, one of his complaints was how he  gave these women large sums of money and they didn't appreciate it. now i am writing this blog about a small amount of money, but he was talking thousands he had given away. i said nothing about it ... at first. my sister told me to forget about, i would never see my money again. i had settled on that fact to be true, but this new information set me aflame. so i chose to address the situation and explained how i was confused that i had not received what i was due. the response was a lot of yelling and screaming and eventually an "i forgot". okay ... but again it is more than two years later, you still don't remember?

this blog was written to get the monkey of my back. since we parted ways, he is too shamed to read anything i write because it is mostly about him. so this was for me. do i think i will ever see my money? naw i doubt it. my friends says it is the last connection he has to continue to talk to me. he doesn't need to talk to me, just hit me on the Cash App. i will keep hoping on that notification.

06 September 2017

Yeah I blocked him ...

so Issa found out Lawrence blocked her on Facebook. and i laughed hysterically. 
yes i have been blocked before and the reason for it was pretty stupid (yes, stupid), but that was his social media account not mine. but i had blocked him waaaaaaaay before he blocked me. i know myself and blocking him was very necessary. so maybe Lawrence had a reason for blocking Issa. maybe it helped him deal with the break up, deal with the idea that she had started something new with Daniel. i could relate totally.

after he held me hostage in his truck and told me that we could no longer mess around and that he wanted us to be friends, i didn't block him. after he picked me up from the airport and told me his girl didn't know because they argue about me all the time, i didn't block him. after he broke up with the first chick and started fooling with another chick almost immediately, i didn't block him. the day that i sent him a DM on Twitter and he was dismissive toward me was the day i blocked him. and it had nothing to do with his actions. 

i realized at that moment, i was a glutton for punishment. he was never going to tell me to go away and was going to accept all of my advances, whether they were serious or just in jest. and i didn't know how to quit him cold turkey, so i HAD to block him. and as soon as i did that, i got a friend request on Facebook. we had NEVER been friends on Facebook. i declined his offer of friendship. i no longer needed access to his life or his thoughts or emotions. i had to become my mother in this situation.

as a child when i wanted things, my mother would hit me with a phrase i didn't understand until i was an adult.

"You are not too old for your wants not to hurt you" 

suddenly her statement made all types of sense. i wanted something that was NEVER going to happen and that shit hurt like crazy. and for me to move forward, i had to obliterate his existence from my life. he had to be unrecognizable to me, i needed to know nothing about him, make him a stranger in my world again. so blocking him from everything was the right thing to do. what works for me might not work for you. but the block button is my new best friend.