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27 September 2007

that bitch is not your friend

 "i don't really have too many female friends."
that is my excuse for having a birthday party full of men. i know that guys don't want to look at other guys, but my list of girlfriends is short and i am not really interested in making it longer. i know that as women we should support one another in the name of sisterhood, but i don't believe that bullshit. some bitches are just out to get what you got and i don't trust them. so when that chick walks up to you and says, "hey girl"; watch your money and your man because she's plotting.

i am a very social person and can talk to anyone, so it takes little effort for me to met new people. i don't have a problem making friends with women but i have seen them do some conniving, back stabbing and treacherous things to other women. it has happened to me on more than one occasion. i thought that i was being a loyal and good friend, but my homegirls have always dumped on me in some manner. i never understood why, but i always walked away less a friend. i think it is because i give too much of myself and don't ask the same in return and that is my mistake. friendship means different things to different people and i had to learn the hard way.

i had a girlfriend who i watched talk about and disrespect different females. it was no surprise to me when it was my turn. my best friend asked me why i did not get upset and my response was, "i saw her do it to others, why would i not expect her to do it to me?" i am not saying that all females are like my ex-friend but a majority of them are looking to get something from you.

we, women, have started to believe our own hype. we think we are the smartest and the flyest and we should rightfully be perched on that pedestal. but when we come across that female that is flyer, smarter, and a little higher on that pedestal, our natural instinct is to knock her down. we don't try to befriend her so we can gain knowledge, we get close to undermine. i'm not saying that women should not be confident but not at the detriment of another female.

it sounds so harsh but most female interaction is based on competition. watch 2 small girls (that aren't related) play together and when the little boy comes along, watch how they turn on each other. i bet there are scientific studies on this very topic (searches google).
i do not have any lessons for this topic. i'm afraid this is going to go on until the end of time sadly enough.
*rant over*

26 September 2007

cheap vs. broke

look at the options we have here today. we have the broke versus the cheap. i know most women cringe when they hear the word broke. and put that in front of the word brother and we have a major issue. most women would love to come up by meeting a baller. that baller subsequently falls in love with the woman and takes care of her and their child. eventually they divorce, but he has to pay her alimony to sustain a certain

for her and the child. yes i am exaggerating but what woman do you know that would not have a problem with that scenario.
my sister told me that she was tired of only meeting broke guys. i told her i would take a broke one over a cheap one any day. she looked at me strange and laughed. it doesn't sound right but you have to look at the circumstances of a broke man versus those of a cheap man. i have dated them both and i can say the broke man is a better candidate. ladies please don't throw tomatoes at me before i have a chance to explain myself. i will share with you the story of the "short short 2 minute" man. based on his name alone, he already didn't have too much going for him, but to top if off he was cheap. the perfect example of his cheapness came in the form of a cassette single (yes i said cassette and i know i'm showing my age).
ss2m and i had been seeing each other for about 4months and it seemed that things were solid between us. but we were about to have a monumental disagreement because he was a cheap ass. ss2m and i decided to go shopping one afternoon after lying around his house for hours. tyrone (reference Erykah Badu's tune) was going with us that afternoon so he could get his shop on also. i played the part of chauffeur and believe i was only invited along because i had the only car in working order. so we hopped in the Sunseeker and headed for the mall. ss2m was a fan of labels and proceeded to try and buy the entire polo section. after his spending spree in polo, we rode over to planet music (i see you VA) to pick up some tunes. we just happened run into my mortal enemy (remember this person) and ss2m decided to have a conversation with her, which didn't sit well with me at all. i wasn't about to play nice and i didn't want any assault charges, so i went on my way through the store seeing what new music had been released. when ss2m was ready to check out, i ran across a cassette single that i wanted. the price of the cassette single was $.99. ss2m knew i put my last $5 in my gas tank so that he could go shopping, so i asked could he pick up the cassette single for me. i figured that he could spot me a dollar since i did drive and had been sexing him for 4 months. i couldn't have been more wrong. do you know this fool threw a fit and got loud with me at the register? he kept saying he couldn't believe that i was asking him to spend money on me. are you kidding me? i couldn't even muster words for what was going on in front of me. i looked at tyrone and said:
"let's go."
that's right, i was driving and now ss2m had no ride. tyrone and i walked to my car, i started it up and proceeded to back out of my parking spot. i did notice ss2m running to the passenger side and grabbing the locked door. he was yelling something OUTSIDE of the car, but i couldn't hear it. of course i was a silly hussy and i let him in the car, but i vowed from that day forward not to ever date a cheap man.
you have to understand that cheap men are selfish. what's worse than having the money and just choosing not to use it because you're a miser? don't get me wrong, i don't want to be with someone who spends frivolously but if you need to dish out some money and you have it; why nickel and dime? i know that broke is not appealing, but the potential to make more is there. being broke is something that you can change but being cheap is a character trait. and you know how i know it's a character trait? ss2m got married recently and in true cheap guy style, he moved in with his in-laws after the nuptials. he sleeping on the floor with his blushing new bride. HA! i win.

24 September 2007

its the good looks that get'em

i try in all my efforts not to judge people based solely on their looks. but i am human and love a fine guy just as much as the next woman. i considered the men that i have been involved with to be somewhat attractive, but not male model fine. i have always had a problem with pretty boys and conventional good looks. i prefer my men sexy and sexy doesn't always equal attractiveness. i have a good friend who is exceptionally attractive and when women see him they instantly swoon. i grew up with him so i remember him being awkward and chubby. but at some point he hit puberty and grew facial hair, filled out and grew 8 inches. women find him so attractive now that they say things like this to me:
"who is that muthafucka right there?"
"girl, whatever issues you all have had with one another, i think you need to work through them immediately."
it makes me laugh hysterically, but i love to see how people react when they see him. okay let me get back on topic. usually when i meet fine it comes with my good friend dumb. i have a very low tolerance for stupidity and how fine he is doesn't make up for it. i have tried and each time i tried i couldn't continue to try when i knew his looks were the only thing keeping me there. i met this one young man with a body that wouldn't quit, but he was dumb as rocks. now that did not stop me from fornicating with this gentleman, but when my best friend asked me why i was not dating him, i gave her this answer:
"he is dumb as shit and we can't even have a conversation, that's why."
we got a good laugh out of it and then i realized how guys date pretty dumb girls. those people do serve some purpose. the sex was good but the conversation was like pulling out teeth with a rusty spoon. what i want people to stop doing is trying to build a relationship on attractiveness alone. because after you get tired of looking at him, what is going to keep you there? i know that LL Cool J's wife gets tired of him from time to time (even though he is fine as all outdoors).

hopefully people will learn to focus on the inside and not the outward appearance when it comes time to selecting a mate. too many times people get involved with folks for all the wrong reasons and most of them start with the physical appearance of their mate. i love the phone calls i get from my friends when they meet a new guy.
"girl he was so fine. he had good hair and light eyes."
"so what does he do for a living?"
"i don't know, being fine."
okay i am exaggerating but sometimes we let people get away with murder because they look so good. people will put up with more drama from someone fine than that ordinary looking dude. and you ask why and they will tell you out right:
'he's an asshole but he look so good it make me love his asshole attitude."
"i am not putting up with this mess from him, he ain't even all that fly."
it all comes back to the same thing, how attractive he is. the world is a shallow place. look at all the makeover shows, beauty contests, and shows on body image. we are obessessed with the good looks. but please know good looks get you far but not far enough.

MORAL: see with ya heart and not ya eyes people.

20 September 2007

a booty call gone wrong/God don't like ugly

awww the wonderful world of booty calls. most of us have had them. some of us didn't know we were booty calls at the time, but it was easy to figure out. i had a booty arrangement. i call it an arrangement because it went on for about a year and then some. but i am not talking about that situation. i want to talk about the booty call that got away and for good reason. let me start with the man in question.

i will call him decatur because that's where he was from. i was a young virgin from a little town in virginia (how ironic) when i met decatur. after a summer with him, i was not so innocent. initially when we started our summer tryst, it was just supposed to be that: a summer thing. i was not interested in decatur at first, but after a few late night cuddles, kisses and Braves games; i was hooked. so hooked that i took him to meet my parents. i tried to fight all of the stereotypical feelings and emotions that come with losing your virginity, but i lost that battle. you see i violated a rule that i learned later in life, how you start it is how you finish it. so needless to say when I went back to college in the fall, decatur moved on to the next chick. it was hard for me to let go, but i did.
one of my supposed homegirls went to college with decatur and always keep me abreast of his doings. she saw him all the time because she was sleeping with his married best friend. yes i said it, married best friend. well on one of my many breaks from school, my supposed homegirl needed a ride to see her booty call (the married dude). i agreed to drop her off, but was not aware that they were meeting at decatur's house. i was anxious and did not know what to expect from the situation but i gathered my faculties and went inside. of course my supposed homegirl went upstairs with the married man to handle her business, which left me alone with decatur. he was asking me questions about school and how i was doing and i gave him one word answers. he apologized for how things went down and wanted me to come sit next to him. uh oh he comes trouble. i didn't move a muscle. he asked if he could come sit next to me.
"it's your house you do what you want."
now i could have said no, but he was still a cutie and he smelled all good and stuff. he sat next to me put his arm around me and told me i cold lay my head on his chest is i was tired. *swoon* my plan was falling all to pieces. i was supposed to hard, unmoving and unaffected by this dude. besides he had a girlfriend. i know i was dead wrong for that but I wanted him to see me and want me real bad. well that part worked, but i was having a hard time turning him down. decatur and i eventually moved are reunion to his bedroom so we could be a little more explicit. things were just about to get steamy when unexpectedly his girlfriend decided to come over. GOD DOES NOT LIKE UGLY. i had no idea what was going on but decatur was suddenly in a panic. he and his boy ern were exchanging words outside the door. next thing i know, i was being ushered from the bedroom while she was outside the front door. once i was seated on the couch with my clothing intact, the girlfriend went upstairs to a bed already warmed for her. my supposed homegirl was done humping at this time and we drove home, laughing all the way. i never saw decatur after that, but my supposed homegirl said he asked about me all the time and was concerned about how I perceived him. his concern made me chuckle. i chuckled because he should have been concerned about his girlfriend instead of trying to sneak an extra piece. i cannot put all the blame on him because i was just as wrong. the situation would have been much worse had his girlfriend known who i was and what i was about to with her boyfriend. and i was siting in the living room chilling with a smile on my face. so ugly and so wrong. things did not happen because they were not supposed to. God watches over babies and fools. guess which one i am.


11 September 2007

community dick - have you had some?

i think that most of you know what community dick is and have probably have had your share. but for those who don't completely understand, i will give a brief description. you know that guy that slept with you, your cousin, your best friend's sister and three of your co workers? that guy is/has community dick. he feels that he has to share his penis with everyone. but everyone doesn't always know they have been made a part of a community. and when they find out normally all hell breaks loose, but my story is just a tad bit different.
i met a guy who seemed awfully nice. he was a great listener and we had loads of fun together. he understood that i had been celibate for several years and that he was the victim i chose to take all of my frustrations out on. i had just one stipulation, i did not want to share my piece with anyone else. no i didn't want him to be my man, but i was very careful of who i bumped uglies with. i was disease free and i wanted it to stay that way. in my mind you limit the number of partners you raw dog with and you're doing a good job. he agreed to my stipulation and i agreed to his request to remain hush about our situation. now i know that would raise red flags in other people's minds, but this dude was a super geek with little to no social skills, i was not the least bit alarmed. we had mutual friends (HA!) and he did not want others in OUR business. that made perfect sense to me. so we did our thing and it was cool. then one day i caught wind of a story about my sex buddy. something about him making cheese eggs for another girl. that story led me to believe that he spent the night at her house giving her the business. when asked about it, he laughed it off saying "she is a trip. she was just playing." my woman's intuition knew better than to believe that lame ass lie. so i decided to slowly step away from the penis. he didn't seem to notice, but the sex was less frequent and i was less interested. i recall one time he spent a weekend with me and his cell phone kept ringing, but he would not answer it. i was done being nice at that point.
ME: "someone is really trying to get in contact with you."
HIM: "it ain't nobody."
ME : "how about this, you either answer it or turn it off."
he decided to turn off the phone. but the bridge was burnt and we were done. after i was finished with him was when i started to hear more stories. the threesome with two best friends, the 3 different girls in one night at the same hotel, the crossing state lines to knock boots, and so on and so on. i ran straight to the doctors office for a hiv (pronounced h-iv) test. i could not believe that i had become part of a community, a community of women who had been lied to and shared one dick. ewwwwww, even the thought of it now makes me cringe.
Ladies please don't be like me. don't make assumptions, always ask questions, and tell other women. see i kept quiet and i am sure 15 more women have become a part of the community. this is my public service announcement. if you ask me his name I swear i will tell you. i have to do my part.

01 September 2007

he called you ugly but you still had sex with him

the title alone says enough. it always strikes me strange when women entertain or get involved with men who mistreat them. i am not talking about an abusive situation but the dude who wasn't feeling you when you first met him. you saw him and thought he was aiight looking, but he paid you no attention. when people asked him what he thought about you, he said "she looks like a swampdonkey". you were not interested in him, but your feelings were hurt by the comments. so when you see him again you have an opportunity to confront him about his comments, but you have a change of heart when he buys you a drink.

after a few too many, you find yourself in bed with the insulter. the next morning after the sex, he still thinks you are a swamp donkey but doesn't tell you that, he just tells your friends behind your back. now what do you do? absolutely nothing. you actually are cordial with him when you see him a third time.

why would you even acknowledge his presence after the incident? i have two words for you, lowered expectations. what makes a woman decide that she can't get anybody else, that she has to settle? i know when people tell you negative things repeatedly, you start to believe them. but lets be logical for just a moment. if you bumped someone accidentally in the grocery store and they called you a bitch, you wouldn't ask them to dinner the next time you saw them, would you? of course you wouldn't. so why place yourself in any type of cordial or compromising position with someone who called you a "swampdonkey"?

if you don't feel good about you, the thought of someone wanting you makes you feel better (momentarily). but with beer goggles on, everybody looks better and you love everybody. but next time love yourself enough to cuss that bitch ass dude out and put him in his place.