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29 October 2014

Don't put them all in one basket....

i was taught a phrase early on in life. "Never put all your eggs in one basket." i guess this was my mother's way of telling me not to be so enthralled with one guy that i may miss out on another one just as great or greater. i always felt her suggestions were subtle because she didn't want to encourage me to be a heaux (the definition is relative, this is from my mom's perspective), but wanted me to be open to dating multiple people.

of course i did not listen, always tossed my heart at the unworthiest of men and found myself sad and alone after a while. it wasn't until college that i started to understand what my mother was saying to me. i decided that i would create a stable of men that i liked and hang out with them. i have cleared stables and refilled them once i was done with a set of dudes. some guys fall off or you lose interest in them. if one seemed to be more interested than the others then i could possibly move forward, but that would be my choice. KEYWORD: choice ... see i had choices, different men i could chose from. earlier in life, i never gave myself a choice. because based on what i learned about relationships from Young & The Restless  and All My Children, it was one man to one woman. and if you chose to do more than one person at a time, you were a scoundrel. (that word is funny).

and for a while that is how i treated guys that were dating multiples and chose an option that was not me. they were scum and the worst people on the planet. but in reality they knew something that i didn't. dating is about process of elimination, but if you only have one person in the game, who are you getting rid of? i had an epiphany, i needed more players in my game. i've never lacked volunteers to play, but everybody is not right for your team. but when you have a solid team, you can't really lose. so i always stacked my squad with the best players i could find. i had to cut a few, traded some others but overall i did okay. i just want the rest of my women friends to have a similar success. 

so as an adult woman, unchose in these streets, i will never put all my eggs in one basket. i have said this time and again, but maybe you all will understand it better here. when dating someone casually understand that you are not the only person that person is seeing. i know, we all want to feel special and that dude only has eyes for us, but lets be realistic. yes i know y'all have been intimate. he has been intimate with her too. but you cannot put all of your time and energy into him, while he is not doing the same. go out and date some other guys, see what the other side is doing. you might actually meet somebody better suited for you. all i am saying is just don't limit your choices.

14 October 2014

I love you ...

if you have been reading my blog for a minute, you know about the Man from God. for you newbies, he was a guy i went on one date with. and the reason for the one date was his need to express a grandiose amount of emotion on said first date.

him: i think the Lord sent you into my life and we were meant to be together.
me: ummmm *blinks*

yeah i did not walk, i sprinted as fast as i could away from that dude. now some women may find that attractive and feel special, but i am not that woman. thus i am writing this blog.

i hate my feelings. i have spent most of my life trying to control my feelings about people and in certain situations.  and i have done a pretty good job of mastering the art of being emotionless. but as of late, i have not been able to restrain my emotions as i have in the past. this has resulted in outbursts that have come from left field and anxiety attacks that i haven't had in years. i was told i hold on to things too long and that i need to get free of things before it kills me.and those people are very correct. so i am on a journey to do better, but this blog is not about getting therapy.

loving somebody is the scariest thing in the world to me, second only to having a kid (you can blame Judy for that phobia). i can count on a few fingers the times that i have loved someone. i'm not sure if that is good or bad, but the goal is to minimize the number of loves of my life. you see there is a lot of emotion that comes with the "L" word and as i previously stated i don't like feelings. hopefully that explains my fear a little bit better.

love is something that cannot be controlled. and i need to be able to control it. someone told me recently that you can't always control how you feel. i refuse to be defeated by this love thing though. i usually have my gangsta to rely on, but that punk has taken a vacay. he must have good benefits because it seems that he is on a leave of absence. maybe i am getting soft in my old age and my immune system is having a difficult time fighting off this love sickness. *mental note to buy Vitamin C, helps fight bacteria and viruses*

*le sigh*

i have given this long ass disclaimer to say, when i drop an "i love you" you better believe i mean it and it is nothing to be taken lightly. some people use those words to manipulate situations, to appease the people in their lives, to get some ass, money, J's or whatever. understand that beforehand, i hemmed and hawed over saying it or keeping it to myself. i talked to other people about it extensively. i even decided that it was best left unsaid until someone close told me otherwise.

"everybody can see it but you"

i can see it. i was just choosing to ignore it. but it kept calling me (c) Pookie
i'm convinced love is like crack and addiction is never good for you.