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29 October 2014

Don't put them all in one basket....

i was taught a phrase early on in life. "Never put all your eggs in one basket." i guess this was my mother's way of telling me not to be so enthralled with one guy that i may miss out on another one just as great or greater. i always felt her suggestions were subtle because she didn't want to encourage me to be a heaux (the definition is relative, this is from my mom's perspective), but wanted me to be open to dating multiple people.

of course i did not listen, always tossed my heart at the unworthiest of men and found myself sad and alone after a while. it wasn't until college that i started to understand what my mother was saying to me. i decided that i would create a stable of men that i liked and hang out with them. i have cleared stables and refilled them once i was done with a set of dudes. some guys fall off or you lose interest in them. if one seemed to be more interested than the others then i could possibly move forward, but that would be my choice. KEYWORD: choice ... see i had choices, different men i could chose from. earlier in life, i never gave myself a choice. because based on what i learned about relationships from Young & The Restless  and All My Children, it was one man to one woman. and if you chose to do more than one person at a time, you were a scoundrel. (that word is funny).

and for a while that is how i treated guys that were dating multiples and chose an option that was not me. they were scum and the worst people on the planet. but in reality they knew something that i didn't. dating is about process of elimination, but if you only have one person in the game, who are you getting rid of? i had an epiphany, i needed more players in my game. i've never lacked volunteers to play, but everybody is not right for your team. but when you have a solid team, you can't really lose. so i always stacked my squad with the best players i could find. i had to cut a few, traded some others but overall i did okay. i just want the rest of my women friends to have a similar success. 

so as an adult woman, unchose in these streets, i will never put all my eggs in one basket. i have said this time and again, but maybe you all will understand it better here. when dating someone casually understand that you are not the only person that person is seeing. i know, we all want to feel special and that dude only has eyes for us, but lets be realistic. yes i know y'all have been intimate. he has been intimate with her too. but you cannot put all of your time and energy into him, while he is not doing the same. go out and date some other guys, see what the other side is doing. you might actually meet somebody better suited for you. all i am saying is just don't limit your choices.

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