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28 June 2007

friend don't let friends group date

i was out this past weekend and i was witness to the worst dating experience ever. the sad thing about it is that i have done it and have known several of my girlfriends to do it also. it is called a group date. it should only be done if you are 13 yrs old and your parents are in the back row waiting to take people home after the movie is over. i was at dinner at a local sports bar and i noticed a group of young people come in together. i thought it was nice that 3 couples were hanging out together. but i noticed the seating arrangement and realized it was a group date. the girls sat on one side of the table and the guys on the other side. *sigh* this was not going to be a good night for the guy and girl that actually liked each other. see that is the basis for a group date. one girl like one guy but the girl doesn't want the awkwardness of a first date alone. so she invites her two closest girlfriend (one cute but not as cute as her and one big girl) and invites his 2 homies. now when the two homies see the two girlfriends, of course they are both interested in the cute girl, not to say that the big girl is not cute but we working off of initial reactions. now this is all in my head because all i see at the table across from me are 3 guys and 3 girls. then suddenly the 3 young ladies dismiss themselves from the table. i assume they went to the restroom. but they were gone for about 20 minutes or long enough for what they ordered to be served and they were still not back. in the meantime the guys ordered some beers and started in on their appetizers and entrees when they arrived. once the ladies returned, they all started in on their salads. *sigh* ladies why do we pretend that we don't really want a burger and fries? from the meals ordered, i assumed it was a first date because they had not seen each other eat. if she had eaten in front of the guy she liked, then she would have had those wings and fries. there was little to no convo at the table accept between the guy and girl who should have gone on this date alone. i left the sports bar before i could dissect the situation even further. but i imagine that the 2 girlfriends were ready to go and the girl who wanted to spend time with her new prospective guy wasn't driving. so guess what? she got nothing out of the night but some salad that left her hungry at the end of the night. i know that first dates can make you a little nervous, but the point is to get to know the other person. that is a little difficult with 4 other people around. pick a nice spot that you can meet at and have a decent conversation. if you are worried about what to eat, split an appetizer with your date or go to a tapas restaurant (smaller portions).

MORAL: Group dates are a no no unless everybody is part of a couple

24 June 2007

beware of the man from God

most women have particular characteristics that they want in a man. he should be tall, good looking, a great lover, have nice car and a good job (at least that is what the lists mostly sound like to me). despite the different things on the list there is one consistent item on the list, the man must be god fearing. now my list was a little more open minded. i just wanted someone to go to church with me when i felt like going to church (which really isn't enough). so women are looking for that man with a spiritual connection. but i say beware because some guys like to play man of God. it is not nice, but it does happen. you know i have a story......

in my early 20's, i had my own list of particulars that i looked for in a man. since i am 5'10, of course i wanted him to be tall. i was working and i wanted him to be working. i was a recent college graduate and i wanted him to at least be in school. and you know i wanted him to go to church with me if i asked. so my list was short compared to other lists i had seen. at my workplace, i met some guys but none really met the criteria. i used to work in the mall and i met plenty of men all the time. so it wasn't strange when i met the man from God at my job. he was 6'10" (tall), he was a teacher (job) and he was working on his second degree from NSU (jackpot). so why would i not give him my phone number when he asked. he was in the mall looking for a cd after a pick up game of basketball (that explained his bad sweat outfit) and said he would call me later that night. he kept his word and we spoke for a while trying to get to know each other better. come to find out, we had met each other years ago when we were in high school. so we planned on going to the movies with a couple of my friends. i needed my girls there just in case this dude wanted to act crazy. i drove that evening because that is my rule on first dates. i take my car because if you want to act a fool i can put you out of MY car. when i picked him up, i noticed his outfit was not to my liking but a man's dress can be eventually be changed (i was really terrible). on the way to meet my friends, our conversation was good and we were vibing. he was very attentive and that was the first time i ever had a guy do that. it was nice. when my friends saw the man from God they did not say much but i knew when they got me alone the interrogation would begin. we were going to the movies to see "The Preacher's Wife". again at the theatre my date was very attentive, but he was a tad more aggressive with his attentions. for example, i went to the restroom during the movie and when i returned he proceeded to tell me i was rude for not telling him where i was going. huh? i did excuse myself and say i would be back. i guess i was not specific enough for him. that was the first red flag but i let it go when he asked me the million dollar question.

"will you go to church with me one Sunday?"
i swear i heard angels sing. of course i would oblige that request, it made my list complete. so despite the warnings i felt and the critiques from my friends, i was going to proceed with developing this relationship. after the movie was over, we made our way back to his house and he spoke of possibly going into the ministry. i could be the first lady of a church, so i thought. but i was getting way ahead of myself. he again was being attentive and asked if i had a good time. and i enjoyed his company and had a nice time. but that would soon change. my date decided to wave the biggest red flag i had ever seen or heard.

"you know i believe that God sent you into my life an we were meant to be together."
i smiled and started to sweat. they were going to find my body on the side of the interstate. what he said was truly sweet but that is not 1st date conversation. even if he truly felt that way, save it for when you are about to get on one knee and propose. i knew after that statement that i could not date this guy. and after i had such a good time. when i dropped him off at his house, he wanted to seal the evening with a kiss. *ugggh* i gave him a peck and promised to call when i got home. i did call and kept the convo to a minimum. i then proceeded to avoid his calls for the next couple of days. i was in a panic because he knew where i worked. a confrontation at my job would not be good way for me to maintain my paycheck. so i had to come up with a story to tell this guy.
the night came that I made the phone call. i told the man from God that it wasn't fair for me to start a new relationship when i still had feelings for my ex. the story wasn't too made up, i still was in love with someone and getting with dude was not going to change that. this meek, humble man from God did not handle the news to well. he proceeded to curse me out, told me i was going to be alone forever and i should stop holding on to dreams. *shakes my head* i had one question for him.
"are you done?"
i thought i would never hear from him again, but he continued to call after that. he even found out where my mother worked and asked her what he could do get me back. my mother even told me to call him. i think she was smoking that day. needless to say i heard stories of other women he stalked around town and sexual harassment on his job. i got off easy.

MORAL: expression of grandiose emotions on the first date is never a good look

22 June 2007

baby mama haters - PLEASE don't date him

lots of people are against dating men or women that have children. i personally don't have a problem with it, but most of the guys that i have dated with kids were baby mama haters. what is a baby mama hater? he is the guy who can't stand/despises/hates the mother of his children. this is often demonstrated by his comments about her or actions that will hurt the baby mama and inadvertently hurt the child.

the first baby mama hater I came across was.....we will call him stallion (wow). he and his baby mama (a former classmate) dated for some time and then she got pregnant. i am not sure when they broke up or what the circumstances were behind the break up, but neither of them were fond of the other anymore. so to get back at his baby mama for being such a "bitch", stallion decided he would never get a job. his logic was if i have no job the "bitch" can get none of my money. true but dumbASS neither can the baby. stallion had some things going on, but when i heard his logic on child support and how he was making the baby suffer, he was no longer of interest to me.

 the second baby mama hater i encountered was real special. he was a poet and really sweet to me, but he withheld vital information. we had been growing acquainted with one another for about 2 months when he dropped the bomb on me. he so casually mentioned to me that he had 2 kids. i did not have a problem with the kids, but i found it strange that he did not mention it before. i felt that as a proud father, he would at least acknowledge his children. but then he went into the story of how his "whore bitch" of a baby mama had custody and how he didn't even think the little boy was his. he also was not paying the "whore bitch" any child support under the guise that they might not be his kids. are you kidding me? my interest in him waned shortly thereafter.

what both of these men did not know (or bother to ask) was that my mother was a single parent for quite some time. i love my father, but i did not see a lot of him when i was younger. and i was definitely not interested in dating a dude who would be so selfish to deny a child because they wanted some "get back".

the last baby mama hater was a trickster. he had a great relationship with his kid and enjoyed all the time he spent with her. but again when it came to his baby mama, she was the "skank" that was started acting "crazy" while she was pregnant. i again did not know her story, but they all have 2 sides. and even though he paid child support, he failed to realize that his contempt for the "skank" would and could be perceived by the young child. he lost mad cool points for that.

so ladies be careful when you are dating the baby mama hater. because imagine if in the heat of passion with said man that condom were to burst. dayum now you are the baby mama and guess what he is going to hate you too.

21 June 2007

cockblockers: we love you and we need you

all of my friends in college were cockblockers. now i know they are reading this and getting heated, but i appreciate their role. there were several times that i was on the verge of making monster mistakes and my cockblocking friends came to my rescue. now at the time i was interested in getting some and they were in the way. but the next day i was so glad that they stopped me. you see in college i was a little....hmmmm......boy crazy. my grandmother told me at age 8 that men would be my downfall.....dang she knew early on. so my friends knew i liked a new guy every week. sometimes i would stick with one for a month, but never longer than that. at several different Kappa Kabarets, i professed my love for different men. (wow, i was terrible back then) one night in particular, a certain star wide receiver on the football team and i were pretty drunk and pretty frisky. we had made a mutual decision to go home together. it was a very simple situation. i had no idea what we were going to do but i was going to participate wholeheartedly. we did not notice that all eyes were on us. it may have been the slow dancing to fast music or him wearing me like a necklace (thanks for the descriptor Akiba), but we didn't seem to mind the attention. we even took pictures and everything (HA!). my cockblocking friends were circling like vultures unbeknownst to me and were about to swoop in for the kill. they approached us one at a time.

FIRST: "c'mon we are leaving now."
STAR WR: "she is going home with me."
ME: "um hm" *along with a stupid ass head nod*
FIRST: "_____, you better come on" her voice is getting louder
ME: "um with him."
she walked away, so i figured it was on and popping. i was sadly mistaken. next thing i know my best friend and the head cockblocker came storming toward me and my lover for the evening.
BF/HC: "COME ON NOW!!!!" (at the top of her lungs and pulling me from the arms of a future dallas cowboy)
i just held my head in shame and went peacefully. it was a fight that i was not going to win at any cost. of course the star wide receiver and i remained friends but never ever acted on our drunken lustful feelings. he even apologized for his behavior (what a sweetie). but that is just one of many incidents and i don't know what that says about me, but i love my cockblocking friends. most of those dudes i wanted to bump uglies with had plenty of help from the liquors i ingested. because on a normal day, i would not even think about a sexual tryst with those boys. so my cockblockers were my saviours in college.
so fellow cockblockers unite and be proud of your role in other folks lives. imagine the amount of illegitimate kids that would have resulted from drunken escapades if you weren't around (um thinking millions). this is my dedication to the best cockblockers east of the Mississippi!

19 June 2007

how i ruined the chances of a second date

he was cute......real cute. nice and chocolate like i like. he was taller than me and had a nice body. he had a full time gig and a side hustle and he wanted to take me out. i was flattered and excited at the same time. i had not been in ATL long and he was one of the first guys i met. malik was his um um.....he was real cute. my friends made fun of me because he sold t-shirts as a side gig, but at least he had that entrepreneur spirit in him. more than i can say for my lazy friends. anyway we planned on meeting for drinks @ TGIFriday's near my job (RIP Wherehouse Music). it was too busy, so he wanted to take me to a spot near his house (i bet) called Barnacle's. when i planned for the evening i wanted to be as cute as possible, so i had to minimize some things. my jeans got tighter, my purse got smaller and i was ready to bat my eyes just enough to entice him to see me again. things were going great, dinner was nice and his hugs were fabulous. i found out later that his kisses were even better. during the evening, we played video games and had quite the competition going. he had run out of quarters and he asked me for change. this is when i had my open mouth insert foot moment.

" i didn't bring my wallet."

the look on his face let me know that he was confused about my statement. it wasn't that i had no money, i was armed with my trusty checkcard. i just did not have my wallet full of change. but it was too late, i sounded like a chick that expected him to pay for everything. that wasn't the case, i can pay for stuff if he wanted me to, but alas never had that chance. after that lovely night things fizzled between me and the chocolate boy wonder. *sigh*

MORAL: think before you speak......and imagine how what you say sounds to your date