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21 June 2007

cockblockers: we love you and we need you

all of my friends in college were cockblockers. now i know they are reading this and getting heated, but i appreciate their role. there were several times that i was on the verge of making monster mistakes and my cockblocking friends came to my rescue. now at the time i was interested in getting some and they were in the way. but the next day i was so glad that they stopped me. you see in college i was a little....hmmmm......boy crazy. my grandmother told me at age 8 that men would be my downfall.....dang she knew early on. so my friends knew i liked a new guy every week. sometimes i would stick with one for a month, but never longer than that. at several different Kappa Kabarets, i professed my love for different men. (wow, i was terrible back then) one night in particular, a certain star wide receiver on the football team and i were pretty drunk and pretty frisky. we had made a mutual decision to go home together. it was a very simple situation. i had no idea what we were going to do but i was going to participate wholeheartedly. we did not notice that all eyes were on us. it may have been the slow dancing to fast music or him wearing me like a necklace (thanks for the descriptor Akiba), but we didn't seem to mind the attention. we even took pictures and everything (HA!). my cockblocking friends were circling like vultures unbeknownst to me and were about to swoop in for the kill. they approached us one at a time.

FIRST: "c'mon we are leaving now."
STAR WR: "she is going home with me."
ME: "um hm" *along with a stupid ass head nod*
FIRST: "_____, you better come on" her voice is getting louder
ME: "um with him."
she walked away, so i figured it was on and popping. i was sadly mistaken. next thing i know my best friend and the head cockblocker came storming toward me and my lover for the evening.
BF/HC: "COME ON NOW!!!!" (at the top of her lungs and pulling me from the arms of a future dallas cowboy)
i just held my head in shame and went peacefully. it was a fight that i was not going to win at any cost. of course the star wide receiver and i remained friends but never ever acted on our drunken lustful feelings. he even apologized for his behavior (what a sweetie). but that is just one of many incidents and i don't know what that says about me, but i love my cockblocking friends. most of those dudes i wanted to bump uglies with had plenty of help from the liquors i ingested. because on a normal day, i would not even think about a sexual tryst with those boys. so my cockblockers were my saviours in college.
so fellow cockblockers unite and be proud of your role in other folks lives. imagine the amount of illegitimate kids that would have resulted from drunken escapades if you weren't around (um thinking millions). this is my dedication to the best cockblockers east of the Mississippi!


Anonymous said...

I hate C-blockers!!! :) That's why running interference is MANdatory. You got to learn how to handle these kind of situations. I recommend piercing a chicken wing or a shoe coupon with a fish hook. Cast your line right into the heart of the c-blockers and draw them out one at a time.

CraigJC said...

when i saw the title of this blog I had to ROTFAL.