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25 October 2007

when a guy friend dumps you....

one day he just stopped calling. we went from sharing secrets, hanging out everyday and spending the night with one another occasionally to nothing. he quit me cold turkey. it hurt like nothing ever had before. that was over 5 years ago and it still stings. i know what you are thinking and no he wasn't my boyfriend, he was my male confidant. they are easy to come by but hard as hell to keep.

it has always been easy for me to meet men. you see, i am a lover of football and know plenty about the game. having that type of knowledge and being able to hold an in depth conversation about the sport made me Tyra Banks fine to most guys. some guys don't want their girlfriends to know more about sports than they do, so that automatically slides me into the "friend zone". i don't mind the 'friend zone" because a little testosterone is a necessity in the friendship circle, at least for me. but once the foundation is laid for a great friendship, my homeBOYS runs out on me. i have never been told why either, so i have to created my own assumptions.

this lovely man i dated once named Ali told me he did not believe in platonic relationships between men and women. he said it couldn't be done and we argued about it for days, but now i see where he was coming from. about a year and a half ago, i made a new guy friend who was sooooooooo cool. i didn't come down on him for his love of porn and big breasts and he was not disgusted by my love for 50. we laughed a lot, talked music, politics and relationships. if i had a question about men, he always had a great answer that cleared the fog from my understanding. then one day he gave me a compliment, he said i was fine as hell. it made me blush and i was flattered since he was a notorious ladies man, but we were still buddies. whether we were attracted to one another didn't matter, it was never a problem and never addressed. i didn't think anything about the comment because we had drawn our lines in the sand, friendship and that was it. then as quick as our friendship began, it was over. i would send texts and emails with no response. my myspace comments were deleted and the ultimate blow was being blocked on AIM. DAYUM, WHAT DID I DO???? u know i still don't know. and now i get a hi email here and there, but i cannot invest my time again. i was devastated. my friends are very important to me and if i let u into my cipher, that is a big deal. but i have always felt some people don't know how to be friends to other people.

my friends think maybe he started dating someone and i was no longer first priority. some think that maybe he had developed feelings for me and did not want to violate the code. maybe we were never really friends. no matter what the reason, a guy friend dumping is almost like a bf/gf break up. it hurts just the same.

the young man referenced in the beginning had a girlfriend that did not like me and he chose her over me. i posed some sort of threat to her and she wanted me out of the picture. he obviously valued what they had over the years that we were friends. today they aren't together and neither are we. he has made several attempts to rekindle what we had, but it's dead. now we rarely speak. it is a sad end to beautiful friendship.

MORAL: Friendships are treasures that should be treated special, not tossed aside on a whim.


Unknown said...

Thats a toughie. and i know cuz I've been on both ends... but the "friends" weren't always innocent. So generally out of respect I expected my buddies/and myself to back off a little bit out of respect for the new relationship. But, depending on the situation, it might help that you're properly introduced and become "their" friend... takes off the tension (if any) from any illusions of you "stealing" her man. ya dig?

Paula said...

I just went through this today. My guy friend and I used to date back in 2003 and we were just friends now. He said he didn't want me to call anymore and he's apparently engaged to a woman whom he's been dating for under 6 months (Crazy I know!). He seemed like a rational person and I didn't expect this kind of behaviour.

I stumbled across your blog to maybe help comfort me. I considered him my best friend and he was the funniest person I know. I hope he changes his mind but I don't know if that'll happen

Anonymous said...

Guys want everything shud be going their way...they wud never understand a woman's emotions...its easy for them to get involved n then dump for whatever the reasons n situations because guys are attracted to a woman and realize her worth after she has gone...they never plan or introspect!

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