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12 January 2009

losing faith

when i first moved to Atlanta in 2000, i was very single. i had not dated anyone seriously for about 5 yrs. i had not had sex for about 5 yrs. (please stop gasping for air) in that 5 years, i was able to get a second degree and focus on me. i made great friendships and never stayed home. i met some nice guys and had a few dates but nothing was ever too promising. i soon learned that Atlanta was the land of hit and quit it. since i wasn't letting anybody even smell it, lots of guys walked away from me despite my fabulous qualities. during that whole time, i never lost faith in the opposite sex. i met my share of creeps and some really good guys that just weren't for me. it was okay because i knew there was someone out there for me.

i had a group of girl friends that use to get together on Friday nights just to shoot the shit. of course we were all single, had complaints about men and were mostly drunk. the first 3 or 4 times we interacted, it was so much fun! but after about 7 times of hearing drunk bitches complain about the male species, i was done. not only was it just pathetic, there was no resolution for whatever issues we were having with men. i decided to try the same type of gathering with a mixed crowd. i invited my girlfriends, my gay husbands, and some nice single hetero guys to balance out the room. guess what? it was a huge success! people asked questions about the opposite sex and they actually got real answers. it was something that i wished i could have continued. it would actually be very beneficial now.

recently my girlfriends and guy friends have been having a hard time finding someone to suit them. they are all well put together, have lots going for them but just can't make that connection with anyone. they have been set up, done online dating, hit the clubs and lounges; still nothing. what hurts most is to see these people lose faith. some of the most positive, optimistic people i know turn glum when the subject of relationships comes up.

so i want advice from you guys about how to keep my friends encouraged. what did you do or what kept you optimistic about the opposite sex? i think is a dialogue that needs to be had.


AssertiveWit said...

why did you stop this? you should start it back up again. I would come just to hear things that other people have to, you have interesting friends...and I can always count on them to be full of laughs and jokes!

Anonymous said...

I don't know how you keep them encouraged. I think it really depends on their attitude. Despite all the things we hear and see and some of our own personal experiences, I do believe there are enough good people out there if you're open to meeting them. I have a few "celibate wives" (to match with your gay Some of them get discouraged after a few bad episodes. And while I can see the problems a mile away(and will sometimes tell them), they don't see it and they're not ready to accept it. They usually don't even want to hear my opinion. It's not what they want at the time. I figure they'll make better choices if and when they're ready. Until then, there isn't much I can do other than not be like them :-)

E.Payne said...

In my opinion (and what happened with me) it's like watching water boil. If you look for it - it just doesn't happen. But when you focus your energy on you (not your job), making yourself the best human being you can possibly be (in my case: working out, going to church, doing community service, minding my own business), just because - this is typically when someone (or several) begins knocking at your door who's bringing to the table what you want to eat. And then things are easy and not the arduous task it used to be. This isn't 100% guaranteed, but it can happen. But as with anything, easier said than done.

Anonymous said...

I'm still stuck on the 5 years of celibacy...thought I was a bad mama jama with 2...the get together sounds really nice, when people come together without the pressure, just to have a good time, friendships blossom...the older we get the more important it is to have something solid, no more flings...friendships are key to successful mature relationships...

Tiffany said...

I really enjoyed this post. It's so true that there isn't enough constructive dialogue. A lot of times people hold back out of fear of being attacked, or get all worked up and don't get anywhere. And I'd really like to know the answer to your question, as I am perpetually single. :-)