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12 February 2010

The Worst Valentine's Day

for some years, i was a single lady when ValentiMes day came around. my friends and i dubbed ourselves the "the LOVE HATERs" courtesy of Andre 3000. it was easy for me to become a hater of love after dealing with Assholia "2 minute short short" Johnson. he gave me the absolute worst v-day in history. let me give you a little background on our situation.

i met him through a good guy friend with the idea that he was a good and decent dude. i was so very wrong!!! besides being a compulsive liar, an egomaniac and cheap; he had the audacity to be bad in bed (thus the nickname).
i actually dealt with him for about 14 months before he informed me that i was actually the side chick. with all that said, you can only imagine the V-day I had with him.

i think of myself as a really considerate and perceptive person. so when i buy a gift or give things to people, it is indicative of what i know about you. i like to get people things that they like and will truly enjoy. so "2 minute" liked cheesecake and strawberries were his favorite fruit. so of course its a no brainer, i'm broke so i make a strawberry cheesecake. along with a Mylar balloon, a single rose and a cutesy Snoopy card, i felt i had done well on a budget of zero. he wanted me to come over, so i prance in the door with all my gifts and he looked as if he had seen a ghost. now if i known that i was the side chick, i wouldn't have bought the $2.50 balloon and not risked arrest by stealing the card from Wally World. needless to say "2 minute" bought nothing for me. and i should have known better since he threw a tantrum when i asked him to buy me a $.99 cassette single. NINETY NINE CENT!!!??? REALLY!!??? true cheap guy form he decided to treat me like the Salvation Army and give me some old clothes. *crickets* this ninja gave me his old clothes that he did not want. his roommate (his cousin) even gave him the side eye for that move. that was our 1st and last valenTIMES day together but definitely not the end of our misadventures. *smh at my own dayum self*


Black Yoda said...

Always a pleasure reading your It really does brighten my day. Where do I begin? First, "2 minute short, short" That's always the ace up the woman's sleeve. The worse you get treated... the worse he is in I bet you weren't talking that mess when you were in love with him. That 2 minutes probably felt more like 4 or 5 :-)

Be honest. 2 minutes? For real? What did you say to Speedy Gonzales afterwards? Did you ever give him the "Is that it?" or the "You came???? Ohhhhhhh.....Kay:-(" comment? Did he ever try to explain himself? Did he apologize? At the very least, he should have faked a muscle-pull. That might could get him one free "get out of 3 pump chump status" card.

In his defense though, maybe you got the killer cat you talked about before....or maybe it was early in the relationship. Y'all don't know how good it is sometimes. But seriously, by month 14, he should have established Still, you were with him for 14 months, he must have had some redeeming qualities. Right?

Now, you do deserve some of the blame for asking for a cassette single. A cassette? Is this 1988? :-) I have to know, Who was on that cassette???

a black girl who did date said...

@Black Yoda Oh he knew he was bad but he never apologized for it. He did have some redeeming qualities but after I cried one too many times over that ninja, I was done.

I don't even remember who was on the cassette single. His cheap ass didn't buy it anyway. And I am old and I know I dated myself with this blog.