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06 June 2010

Gatorade is not always the best choice

i had my eyes on Officer Tony for quite some time. he was about 6'4", dark skin and made a police uniform look super yummy. the mall was a part of his coverage area, so when i was at work i saw him frequently. but today i wasn't working and he could see me out of uniform. i was in the mall to pay my pager bill(don't judge me) and Officer Tony just happened to be there. my best friend was with me and i could finally show her all the fineness i had been drooling about.

OT: hey girl *hugs*
me: how are you?
OT: i'm good. what you doing here?
me: paying my pager bill. i'm being rude, this is my best friend.
BF: hi *waves*
me: BF this is Tony the*cough* Tiger (that is what i wanted to say)
i was floating on air and batting my eyes hard as hell while the three of us walked and talked. we paused at the kiosk in the center of the mall so i could pay my bill when HE walked up.

i saw HIM riding through the parking lot, but hoped aloud that the mall was big enough for me to miss an awkward clash. when i bump into Officer Tony(umm hmmm), i saw HIM in the jewelry store with a woman. good for HIM, he would never notice me getting all cozy with Officer Tony. how wrong was I? it was like he sniffed me out.

HIM: hey y'all!!
group (BF, OT, me): hey
HE gives Officer Tony the brotha hug/dap thingy and i immediately roll my eyes.
HIM: what y'all doing?
HE asked the group, but was only looking at me.
me: paying my pager bill
HIM: Man, you coming to the gym to ball this week.
OT: Oh yeah, i'm going to fall through this week
HIM: well i'm about to go. later.
and like that, he was gone.
my best friend could not believe the exchange and soon after the incident, Officer Tony had to run. what the hell was HE doing? HE must not understand the rules. and i was unsure how to explain rules to someone who refused to follow them.

HIS name was Gatorade and i had known him since high school. we never really "talked" until i was out of college. he approached me at my job and we exchanged numbers. little did i know that a brief conversation would lead to a year and a half of random sexual encounters. yes i was sleeping with Gatorade but was trying to get with Officer Tony. Gatorade was not interested in dating me, he was looking at jewelry with a woman that was not me. so i was confused when he came an pissed on my leg (figuratively) while i was talking to Officer Tony.

the next day, Gatorade called to explain himself.
Gatorade: wassup
me: hey
Gatorade: can I ask a question?
me: yeah
Gatorade: i mean you can be honest with me, you fucking the police?
me: what?
Gatorade: you can tell me the truth.
me: why do you care? you trying to get with me?
Gatorade: i mean, um naw.
me: did i ask who the girl was with you?
Gatorade: no
me: so why do you want to know who else i MIGHT be screwing?
Gatorade: um just saying you can tell me. so wassup?
me: goodbye Gatorade.

now after this event, most women would have walked away. but i was very single and had no real prospects for a relationship, so Gatorade was my back up plan. most of the time, he was a GREAT back up plan, but he had moments when he slipped into crazy. the Officer Tony event was just the start of many looney encounters. let me give you some examples:

1. Gatorade would make special visits to my home, unfortunately it was the home of my parents also. so i was trying to be careful of when we hooked up. he worked at a school near my home, so during the 1st period of school he would stop by. it was very convenient until my mother decided to change jobs. her schedule changed but his hadn't. so when he knocked on the door as my mother was leaving for work, her spidey sense immediately went haywire.
mom: MY NAME!!!
me: yes?
mom: there a man at the door to see you and i am not letting him in because i have no idea who it is!
me: i'm coming, hold on
*walks to the door*
me: dude what are you doing here? (whisper yelling)
Gatorade: i wanted to see you today
me: did you notice the extra car in the driveway ? (still whisper yelling)
Gatorade: yeah but i didn't think it was a big deal
me: *sigh*
i convinced my mom that he was a friend from high school, he was on his way to work and he was bringing me breakfast (thank the lord for his Hardee's bag). she eventually left and instead of cussing him out and sending him on his way....we had sex.

2. on a lovely sunday afternoon in virginia beach, my mother asked me a strange question. it was strange to me because it was information that she was not supposed to have.

mom: do you know someone that drives a white 280ZX?
me: why [would] you ask me that?
mom: because it keeps riding passed the house. it has been by at least twice this afternoon.
me: whaaaaat? i don't think i know who that is.
i excused myself from the kitchen and went to my room to make a call.
me: dude, did you just ride by my house?
Gatorade: i wanted to see if you could get away today?
me: you call me and ask me that, don't just keep riding by my house! (whisper yelling)

so by the time Officer Tony-gate happened, i knew i had to end it. my friends wondered why i never wanted to date Gatorade, but after these chain of events they understood. i knew i was responsible for some of the behaviors he exhibited because i never set any boundaries. i didn't set boundaries because....well...the sex was just too good. so i learned that Gatorade might be good for your body,but it ain't always the best choice.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

Wait . . . HIM had a girlfriend?

a black girl who did date said...

I guess he did, I never asked because I really did not care. It really was just sex for me.

Black Yoda said...

To quote the Gatorade commerical.."If you want a revolution, the only solution: evolve. You got to evolve." :-)

This was an enormously entertaining blog.

"you fucking the police?"

*dies*

You interpreted the N.W.A. song in a whole different way, huh? :-) But seriously, it's tough for two people to be on the exact same level when sex is involved. I guess the "killer cat" you wrote about before was in effect.

a black girl who did date said...

@Black Yoda I never even made the NWA correlation!! LOL and that would be my favorite song by the group. Yeah that Killer Cat seems to keep raising its ugly head!!!