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29 March 2010

I didn't even like you.....

*Mark Wahlberg was so creepy in this movie*

from day one, i did not like the way he looked at me. it was strange to me. he complimented me on things that i thought were odd.

Goofy: that is really nice
me: what is nice?
Goofy: your voice, i really like it.
me: ooooooooookay.

i immediately pulled wavy haired James to the side. wavy haired James had decided to attach himself to our crew of girls and he was welcome to come visit whenever. but today he had brought a new friend with him that i did NOT like at all. Goofy was paying too much attention to me.

me: yo, that dude has got to go
whJ: what he do?
me: i don't like the way he looks at me.
whJ: *laughing* aiight man. we gonna leave soon.

after that day, i expected to never see that clown anywhere near my dorm room. but the next day when i got out of class, guess who was watching TV in my dorm suite? yep Goofy was sitting there smiling when I walked through the door. needless to say, i did not watch TV that day. i had to call my best friend in the room to find out why he was there.

me: WTF dude, he creeps me out.
BF: he likes you it seems.
me: but i am not interested, geez.
BF: well tell him that.
me: if it presents itself, i will do that.

i was trying to avoid this dude at all costs. but Goofy was everywhere i went on campus. i felt like i was fighting a losing battle. he had befriended all of my friends and they enjoyed having him around. so to hang with my friends, i had to hang around Goofy. *sigh* i was frustrated because i had my eye on this other dude and i was trying to work my magic on him. but it was difficult with Goofy on my heels.

i had an opportunity of a lifetime at a house party off campus. the dude i was checking for was talking to me and the DJ dropped "Love TKO" by Teddy P. (i'm dating myself again because who plays slow jams at parties nowadays?) as i turned to dance with the cutie pie, someone who shall remain nameless (u know who you are) pushed me in the direction of Goofy. OH HELL NAW!!! it was like it happened in slow motion and i was screaming "noooooooooooooo". well looks as if Goofy was waiting on his opportunity also. everybody in the party had been drinking, so attributed his rant in my ear to him being intoxicated.

Goofy: i been watching you over there.
me: why?
Goofy: i see you talking to those other guys, trying to make me jealous.
me: yeah i think that you are drunk. you have no idea what you are saying.
Goofy: i know what I am saying. you i want to be with you.
me: *deer in headlights face*
Goofy: *something incoherant*
me: you've been drinking. it will be alright tomorrow

i was immediately freaked out. no, no, no no!!! dear God this is not what i want in my life. what had i done in my previous life to be punished in such a way. after freaking out and talking to my girls about it, we figured he would not remember and that it was a fluke. 3 days passed and there was no sign of Goofy and i was cool. i was back on track with the cutie pie, so all was well in the land of me. that was until i got to dorm and there he was waiting for me. Goofy was perched on the couch watching TV with my friends. i'd had enough, it was Operation Ignore a Nigga time.

i figured if i acted as if nothing happened, nothing happened. that was just my style, no need to confront something that never happened, right? well my friends are tad bit nosey and wanted to know what Goofy's drunken, romantic rant was about. they asked and he told them.

nosey friend: yeah so what was that about at the party?
*rolling my eyes*
Goofy: what you mean?
*rolling my eyes again* maybe he had actually forgotten!!!!
nosey friend: what you said to her (points to me) can be confused with someone talking to somebody they want to get with. i mean wassup?
*heavy sigh*
Goofy: yeah so, i meant what i said
*my head hits the floor and i hide my face*

dayum, dayum ,dayum James!!!! this dude likes me and i do not feel the same way. what in the world was i going to do? i wanted to run far away and hide. i wanted no parts of this dude, but something crazy happened. i was getting used to him being around. i actually expected him to be in my dorm when i got home from class. what the hell was happening to me? had Goofy worn me down to the point that i could not resist any longer? he sure the hell did.

i remember the exact moment that i gave into the madness. it was a statement that caused my defeat and let me know that i could never win against the most persistent man in the world. in an effort to continue Operation Ignore a Nigga, i decided that the cold shoulder would be the only thing that worked. not only did it not work, it fueled his shenanigans. Goofy would yell at me in public places to get me to talk to him. he would attempt to embarrass me in front of everyone and i still would not talk. so when i thought that Goofy was finally sick of playing hide and go get with me, he pulled out the big guns.

my best friend and i were on a pleasant walk to the dorm to enjoy our lunch, when i was "run up on " by Goofy in the middle of the street. he literally had me in a bear hug in the middle of street screaming at me that he would not let me go until i told him that i loved him. what the feezy???!!! i spoke in a gentle voice and asked him to let me go, he refused until i said the words.

me: please just let me go
Goofy: not until you say it.
me: okay..*gulp*.. i love you, now let me go
Goofy: i knew it

this dude was a complete loon. by the time i reached my dorm, i was a mess. i was upset and did not know what else i could do at this point. so my friends decided to intervene.

best friend: Why can't you just leave her alone if she is not interested?
Goofy: *looking directly at me* i can't leave her alone.
friend #2: but she is not trying to get with you
Goofy: *looking at me* don't you know..i'm like the AIDS virus, i never go away.

the room was instantly silent. either this dude was going to kill me or i was going to kill him. i called my mother to recant the story and she was going to drive 4.5 hours to bring me the family gun. and i said to my mom (in probably the creepiest voice ever): "no need to worry. he won't hurt me, he loves me." and with that i was all in. i had caught the crazy too and decided to drive the bus even if it was going off of a cliff.

and just as i accepted the most dysfunctional relationship in creation, Goofy disappeared. not literally but almost. what had become my routine visits and crazy calls all ceased. no more loud conversations, no spying on me while i danced with other dudes at parties, no attacks in the street. he had vanished and i figured out why. he was going through a process and at the end of that process he would have some new letters to show for it. so i understood the situation and went on my way. Goofy did in fact send me messages through email and through people. and when he needed money, i gave it (big dummy that i was), when he needed a ride, i drove him to where he needed to be. yes, i was loving my stalker. so much so, that when his process was complete, i bought gifts; special gifts; intimate gifts. and i decided that we should have the talk about where all of this was headed.

me: so i mean what are we doing?
Goofy: well...i'm really bad in relationships
me: okay
Goofy: and if we got together, you would end up hating me. and i don't want you to hate me.
me: okay, i respect that

little did he know that when i walked away, i already hated him. they would be no relationship to cause that emotion. so it was done as quick as it started. of course i was hurt and i choose to take it out on a formal dress and some vodka at a caberet. of course Goofy was there,noticed my drunken state and he was none too happy. i think i pissed him off even more when i blurted out i loved him. my best friend still shakes her head to this day about that night.

i had 2 more years to see Goofy's face all over campus and pretend that we were "friends". i am a horrible actress and i think the day i went off on him in front the dining hall (at prime time of course) proved that i was holding back how i felt. i never confronted him or really spoke about what i was feeling. i graduated, got a job and came back to visit a few times, avoiding him as much as a i could. i had no interest in keeping up with his life or knowing how he was doing. ironically, Goofy and my best friend became good friends. and i found it funny that when they spoke he would ask about me. i am laughing as i am typing this because i could not have made up a story this good.

i have no idea what type of impact, if any that i had on his life. but my friend passed on a message to me that blew my mind. please understand these events took place more than 15 yrs ago. so the following comments from him made me scream with laughter.

Goofy: let her know i still have them.
best friend: that you have what?
Goofy: i still have the red silk boxers ya girl gave me when i crossed
*i am sure that my best friend laughed at this point*
and when she told me, so did i. we were so silly as youngsters and reliving this story has made me see that.

5 comments:

TNisia said...

HA HA HA!!!!!!!!

8thlight said...

It started off so well! It was a sweet story about him wearing you down, but then that whole "I can't be in a relationship b.s." reared it's ugly head. He put in all that work just to get the drawls and some drawls?

*shakes head*

Anonymous said...

That made my day.Hilarious.I was actually hopeful until he backed off *rolls eyes*...Men!

ChiChi said...

What kind of tomfoolery? LMAOOOOO!

Black Yoda said...

OK, I'm not the smartest guy in the world (just trying to be modest), but I do know that when wooing a woman you should never compare yourself to a virus...especially the sexually transmitted kind....lol

I rarely hear of a guy who actually wins a woman over after she already has a decidedly negative impression of him. That's like turning a booing crowd into a cheering one at the Apollo. Good for him. I'm not usually impressed by those who engage in the frat life...especially given the way they are run these days, but he pulled off an amazing feat. He may very well be a genius :-)