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09 December 2011

Dreams of Effing an NFL Dude

the man in the above photo is Darnell Dockett and i am lightweight stalking him. i say lightweight because i'm just following him on Twitter and sometimes send him messages. for the past year, he has been the number one selection on my Hump Day Hottie list (a position that he appreciates). some of you may look at this picture and think he is an okay looking dude, but believe me - HE is the finest thing God has breathed life into. but his physical attractiveness is not the only reason i like him. he's a kick ass football player and that gets me more excited than the partial nudes of him on the interwebs.  

all of my friends know that i love football and football players. my father only has girls and chose to teach me the game of football. nowadays lots of women say they like football, but its mostly a talking point to gain the interest of some man. guys assume that about me, but when they can't reach me on Sunday afternoons or Monday nights, they get the idea that i'm real with my football love. how many women do you know cry after the Super Bowl? not because my beloved Patriots lost to those stanking ass Giants, but it means no more football until August!!! i'm starting to get anxious as i type because i am anticipating the season ending.

i need people to understand my football passion.
  • i broke my first collarbone in elementary school. i didn't understand the concept of touch football and being the defensive monster that i am, when she caught the ball i popped her. by the time we graduated high school, she still had not forgiven me for the injury. 
  • my hero growing up was Lawrence Taylor. i wanted to be able to smash on quarterbacks the way he did. but i had one problem, i was a girl and girl didn't play football.
  • when i moved to Atlanta, i contemplated trying out for the female football league. And every year i try to get a group of people to play flag football with me. i have been unsuccessful thus far.
  • my ideal date: football all day on Sunday with wings & beer ... no talking please sir!!!
now that you comprehend how serious it is, my dreams of DOING a dude that plays football are just fantasy to say the least. you see, there is not enough ass and titties in my football. in my warped mind, my overwhelming passion for the game would turn a football player on. ummm, not so much. most of them want cheerleaders or chicks that look like cheerleaders and that is definitely not me. the chick that married Morris Chestnut in "The Best Man", that was who I wanted to be. having a strong knowledge of the game and snagging a sexy player at the same time seemed logical. but i think i've been hustling backwards. here is why:
  • my window of opportunity has closed for current players. those dudes are like my little brothers, all young and shit. so i have to look at former player or coaches for that matter (Heeeeeeeey Herm Edwards!!!)
  • i did not attend a Big 10/SEC/ACC/Big East college to get the jump on them before they were in the league. some of my boys from JMU played in the league, but they were my friends. i should have spent more time at William & Mary trying to get at Darren Sharper.
  • and even though i'm long in the tooth, i still don't have enough ass and titties.
so my dreams of effing an NFL dude are just that, dreams. and because of those dreams, i have started NFL Boyfriends on Sundays. it is an expose' of all the players that could possible have me if they asked, again a fantasy, but its all good dirty fun. i'm sure that some of these men now have fans they did not expect because of MY exploitation ... i mean exposure. (you guys can thank me later) as long as football is good and the NFL quits implementing these stupid ass rules that prevent defensive players from doing their jobs, i will watch and lust.


Black Yoda said...

You got to finish the line. You got dreams of effing an NFL dude....thren you wake up in the morning......and up all his food?

a black girl who did date said...

You are the worlds worst!!!! HA!