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10 November 2015

I'm in Love

Sometimes you can't tell if love is real 
If love is real 
There ain't no doubt about the way I feel 
The way I feel, yeah 
I've been thinkin' bout you 
And there ain't no doubt about it, I'm in love 

i wasn't sleeping at all. i was on day number three of insomnia when i dozed off and had the dream. i do not recall what happened in the dream, but i woke up in tears. i sat in my bed and i cried for the next three hours until i had to go to work. my eyes were so swollen that i had to wear my glasses to work. i got to work, grabbed my morning coffee and cried at my desk. i called my friend and told her i was crying at work. in the 15 years that we have known one another, she had never really seen/heard me cry. she asked me what was wrong. i told her i didn't know, but i knew.

i was in love.

yeah that is not what people imagine when you tell them you are in love. but i am different.  if you have been reading my blog for a minute, you know me and feelings ain't never been friends. the goal is to suppress them as much as i possibly can. but love was not going to be pushed aside and hidden. its like love had a mind of its own and took over my heart. but my mind knew better and that is why i was crying. 

you see i was in a situationship. it was one that i signed up for and accepted. but in situationships, you might like people real good; love is normally not an option. it wasn't supposed to be a choice for me, yet here i was. what was i supposed to do with this information? Han Swolo told me that i had to tell the other person in my situationship. i didn't think that was necessary when it was obvious that he was interested in a good time not a long distance relationship. 

what the hell was going to do with this love shit?

after a few days of back and forth, i decided to share my feelings. but alas i was too late. you see while i was focused on my partner, he was focused on someone else. he went out and got himself a girlfriend. so i never told him i was in love with him. why would i do that? it would not change our dynamic. he had a real life boo and i was stuck with all this trash ass love. 

still got that bag of trash ass love sitting in the corner of my room. i want to throw it away, but i am not ready to do so. i moved it closer to the door, so maybe in a few weeks or months or something. 

yeah love sucks .... today. ask me in a few months how i feel. hopefully it will be awesome as hell...possibly maybe.

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