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20 November 2008

today's oxymoron : single married guys

he rode past me in a black SUV looking mighty "goot". i was not sure who he was but he pulled into the driveway of the den of debauchery. i was on my way to work so the investigation would have to wait until after work. when i came back, the truck was still at the d of d, so i had to make my way inside. after a shower and a doctoring of my appearance, i began my fact-finding venture.

when i returned to the d of d, the young man that i saw earlier was still there. he was playing a game of spades and enjoying a Corona when i flounced in. i sat at the table, joined in the next game and let the flirting begin. his name was Carlos and he had 2 little girls who he loved very dearly. he did not speak of their mother and i did not ask because i was attempting to be discreet. when Carlos stood up to grab another beer, i noticed he was not too much taller than the table. DAYUM!!! (womp, womp, womp) i was no longer attracted to him but i had started something that he was determined to finish.

Elvin approached me one evening and told me about a conversation he had with Carlos.
"he want you bad."
"he ask me what did he have to do to get you."
"so what he gotta do."
"well where is he so we can talk about this."
"he took his wife and kids to North Carolina......."
i never heard the rest because i was stuck on the word WIFE. this dude never ever mentioned he had a wife and behaved in such a cavalier manner that i would have never known. did his wife know that he was pursuing relationships with women outside of the one he was already in? doubt that she had a clue.

his behavior back then has now become commonplace in society. the single married guy is one who behaves as if that ceremony before a pastor or judge never took place. i don't even think it's a double life they lead, it's as if they are casually dating there wife.

my single girlfriends meet these men all the time. they are upfront about their status and hope that it is not a turnoff for the women. sometimes it isn't and that is why there has been an increase in the behavior. men are like women, they gossip too. so if one single married guy succeeds, he creates a profile of the type of women who are more likely to participate in a relationship. that sounds far fetched, right? well i actually heard a man say that he only dated single women with low self esteem. they were "easy prey and would put up with more mess" he said. WOW!!!!

i never understood why men got married when they weren't really ready. my boyfriend says people want to keep their significant other to themselves; hands off to everyone else. best way to do that is to marry a girl and convince her she is the only one you want. then you resume your life as a single man or should i say a single married man.

i need feedback on this topic. ladies, have you ever met the single married guy? fellas, are you or your homie the single married guy? get at me with some info or an explanation.


AssertiveWit said...

I have met the single married man more often than I would like. I am a prime target because I have my own place (read: no roommmate to see what's going on), my own car (read: he won't have to pick me up, I can just meet him wherever whenever), a good job (read: he won't have to give me any money for anything at all). I am SPECIFICALLY targeted by these ignoramuses so I have learned to ask the questions that most women won't or find out later. Plus, I've been in a situation where I was dating someone who was married with children...I didn't know at first that he was and by the time I found out, I was REALLY wrapped up in the relationship. It was a disaster on my nerves, I'll tell you that much. NEVER AGAIN. It isn't worth it...I just hope other people know that.

Kryssy said...

No... but I HAVE dated the I'm single, but I have a girlfriend-but I still want to have sex with you for two years and then dump you when I decide to propose to 'said' girlfriend....
*uugh!* LOL

Mr Keys said...

I'm a single single guy. But I do have friends that are single married guys. Two of them popped the question because they had a baby in on the way and the other already there. The other (yes, I have several) well...he popped the question with nothing but good intentions (I'd like to believe) but eventually the old him overpowered the new him since the new him was in the midst of his stock rising (i.e. better job, bigger house, nicer carS) and the new him didn't know how to handle it. Unluckily, the old him did. And then lastly we have the most complicated married single guy. Like Jay-Z said, "It was all good just a week ago." Everything was good in the beginning. Devoted husband and father. Don't get me wrong, he's still the same way, but he has found himself witholding "pertinent information" and getting his flirt on. And even though, the opportunities are there, he WILL NOT cheat on his wife. Why does he play with fire? Not entirely sure, but I have to admire his albeit twisted morals...mainly because infidelity runs so rampant nowadays.

Tha Management said...

I have had two encounters with Single Married Men. One was my manager at work. He told me up front he was married and had five kids. We flirted but I kept it extra nonchalent until I had a hard day and he came to comfort me and we ended up sleeping together. It never happened again with me, but I'm sure he's still "doing what he do".

The other Single Married Man was a shock to me. He was a coworker and we were just friends. We would hang out and shoot the shit and one day, out of the blue, he kisses me. It catches me off guard and we continue to be friends. One day he mentions that we are in a relationship. I never ever thought of it that way and immediately pulled back. I defintely let him know that he needs to be all about his wife and two sons, which he is working on now.

To sum it all up, they are a mess. I'm glad I'm past my "young and dumb" days because I know better now.

achoiceofweapons said...

I am not the single married guy, I'm really married, I know, I was there and so was my wife. I would like to comment though that like everything else I don't think it's all that simple. Sometimes both Man and Wife take each other for granted forgetting to add that lil bit of spark and Guys live off spark! That's why we do so many dangerous and stupid things! Dig? We need that spark period and when we ain't getting it well.....
Women are the same way it just may take them a lil longer to act on that need. Kids can make a real Woman grow up real quick and stay grown up. Men, may stay attached out of innate senses of duty, possession and stability.
Just my thoughts.

Almost Doc said...

gawd! this post and the subsequent depressing.

favorisntfair said...

This is an epidemic! I really wish that people would stop playing games with themselves and others. It makes no sense to get married if you just want to be a married single person. Unfortunately, this epidemic is spreading like the plague and people are accepting this type of mess from their mates.
I know a few couples where this is normal, everyday life. People really need to do better! I thank God that I have never been in this situation.

Ade said...

As someone who wanted to see this blog I am so saddened that we haven't learned how to talk to each other and work stuff out before dipping. I have to say, as a black girl who does date, I am wondering about the whole marriage thing. My expectations may be too high and I won't be settling! Wow - the single married man is just riddiculous!

Unknown said...

The problem is that we all (men and women alike) co sign this behavior (by giving them names like single married guy...) ... let's call a spade a spade. s**t is trifling. When I was younger and single, I kept my mouth shut, now I call them out.

It's one thing for a woman to say it's wrong. Most men will ignore them. But if another man says it, single or married, they are bound to listen to it.

There is of course, rational choice theory that explains it. It is too long to get into it here. but it explains why a good number of married men cheat and why a good number of single women date these married men.