Ads 468x60px

twitterfacebookgoogle pluslinkedinrss feedemail

24 February 2009

having ugly friends is easier

if you have been reading my blog for a minute, you know that i have this thing about men. i like them....a lot! besides that, i have always had loads of guy friends. and the majority of those men are rather attractive. my girlfriends have always pointed that out to if i didn't notice. most of the time i don't pay those guys any special attention and i have never crossed that friendship line (peep the friends and sex blog). with that said, let me get on with the storytelling.

this is a picture of Maurice. he is an attractive man with several friends, loads of them being female. well Maurice hasn't seen one of his good female friends for several years. he figured it would be nice if he invited his friend to the celebration to catch up. one of his female friends was very excited about the celebration and could not wait to see her old friend. this particular female is boo'd up, loves her significant other, and is secure in her relationship. so when she discussed visiting her old male friend she got mixed reactions. the idea did not sound so strange until people saw what Maurice looked like. she was interrogated to get more information about the relationship between her and Maurice.

have you ever been with him?
no, he is like a brother.

is he gay?

does he have a girlfriend?
not that i know of

where will you stay? (celebration is out of town)
if I go alone, probably at his house.

at this point, the female was vehemently told that she could not go and visit. when she asked the reason, her friends said "he is too good looking." WOW!!! that seemed to be the only reason and for them it was the best reason for her not to go. so if Maurice was a mudduck , the visit would have been okay to make? when asked that question they said, "yes." WOW!!!!

i have never chosen my friends based on how they look (at least not in the past 15 yrs). and i am not sure how it turned out that my guys friends were a group of hotties. its a gift and a curse. what woman do you know that wouldn't love to be surrounded by good looking men? that is why they have male revues...LOL!!!! but i have had a guy i dated trust me a little less because of my good looking associates. he said that men can't be friends with women, there is always an ulterior motive. needless to say we did not date too long, i wasn't dropping my friends for him.

sometimes i am like a proud mother, when her kids are the best at something. when people fawn over my guy friends, i sit back and smile (as if i had something to do with their dna). my friends are my friends because there was some common denominator that brought us together. and when i met most of these guys, i had caterpillars on my forehead; so looks had nothing to do with it.

i was a psychology major in college and my favorite class was social psychology. my professor taught me that people make exceptions and positive assumptions about attractive people. for example, we think they are nicer, smarter, more reliable and just all around good people. this is based solely on their level of attractiveness. she also taught us that people only associate with others that are as or more attractive than them. so i guess i can pop my collar......

but seriously, attractive friends are just that, friends. there is no hidden agenda or past secrets. my good looking male friends are like my girlfriends with penises. LOL!!!!!


Ms_Slim said...

"men can't be friends with women, there is always an ulterior motive."

I couldnt disagree with dude more lol. I've got a grip of male friends....all of which are just that--friends. I do, believe, however, that sometimes one can catch feelings for the other and want more....but to me, that's just nature really and can not be used as a blanket statement for ALL male/female friendships.

I've had male friends tell me that their girlfriends didnt like me because I was too pretty though. (Seriously). Needless to say, I was shocked and offended. How insecure can some people be? That happened to me three times and each time I got more and more irritated.

With that said, I dont think it has anything to do with how beautiful a man or woman is, but rather how secure a person is in their relationship and how much they trust their partner to begin with.

Black Yoda said...

I knew it. I'm nothing more than eye candy to you. :-) I knew something was up because in the middle of our last serious conversation you asked me to flex.

I do think men and women can be friends. I've had plenty of wonderful, platonic relationships with women built on a foundation of shared interests and mutual respect. That's my official position.

Now that I done got that out of the way, let's be real. In the real world, those situations are hard to find. One person is usually more attracted than the other. And given the predatory nature of most men, we're usually the ones that are going to make true friendship impossible. Nitroglycerin is more stable than most male-female "platonic" relationships. The ladies may not think so, but try hooking your male friend to a polygraph and watch that shit explode.

Actually, I have had a genuinely platonic relationship with a girl. The problem is I was six :-) Fast forward to sixteen: shit wasn't the same. :-)

I'm just trying to be real with you. In the mind of the man (straight man, anyway), we're initially attracted to you physically. We can find other qualities we like, but it always begins with that deepest, most penetrating of questions: Would I smash?

Now being the uhhh...enlightened Jedi master that I am (They do call me Black Yoda after all) I've learned to control my impulses making sexless friendship possible (technically 0.00000000000001% is still a possibility, right?). But I'm a level 10 Jedi, most people aren't on my level :-)

For most men, being in a platonic relationship is like being a Wrestler who doesn't drink or eat the day of an event to make his weight class. It might work on any given day....but just barely. It's like trying to levitate some kitchen magnets by repulsion. You think it's going to work, but you never can find the right balance. It's like playing a game of Jenga or building a house of cards. It's only a matter of time before that shit comes crashing down. Now if that period of time happens to coincide with your lifetime, then I guess everything would be fine. But I just don't see it.

Damn, I'm in rare form today. I blessed you with a comedic gem of a reply :-) For real though, I think it might can happen. It's like the X-files. I want to believe. Please help me to believe :-)

the YOUNG LIONESS said...

this was a great post to read...attractive friends are indeed just that

Every guy I dated was intimidated by good looking male friends..ive seen the same happen with women..I have even done it sometimes I admit

thats why i love psychology...people are so intricately complicated or we make ourselves out to be that way

BlackGirlNameBev said...

I don't think that a man and a woman can be friends either.
It's called something else.
Certainly not 'friend'.