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22 March 2009

Dinner & A Movie.........but not at my house

i met the "guy with long locs" the unconventional way, online. we talked via the internet and then by phone almost daily. we communicated for few weeks before we actually decided to meet each other in person. when that time presented itself, he suggested we do dinner and a my house. of course i was a little disappointed, this was not my idea of a first date. but i let it slide and opted for the home visit. even though there was no chemistry between us, he turned out to be a cool dude and a good friend.

after that incident, i met a few guys out and about in Atlanta. i thought i was finally going to get my "date" on. no such luck....womp, womp, womp. almost every guy that i encountered wanted to do the "home visit". gentlemen please understand that is NOT a date. the definition of the word date (verb) is "to go OUT socially." i think we all know what the important word is in that statement. i just want dudes to understand that i live in my house, i see it everyday, and just because you are in it doesn't make it look any different. i need some atmosphere with my date, not a reminder that i did not finish my laundry when i realize there are no clean hand towels for the bathroom. DAYUMIT!!!! my homegirl said that unless there is an established relationship, coming to the house to chill is out of the question. for example, my boyfriend and i have been together the for a minute and we have "date night". it entails dinner and a movie on-demand at the house (we are in a recession). this is an appropriate "date" because we are done courting, but this is by no means the way to begin a relationship.

i ask guys all the time:
"why don't you want to take her out?" " is she ugly?" " is she just the jump off?" " why can't you go to dinner with this chick?"
and most of the time the answer is the same: "its too much work to date."
i once told a guy that he was lazy. now he proceeded to go off on me about his 2 jobs and what he does and that he is not a lazy man. nowhere in my statement to him did i mention employment or activity. so i asked him a few questions to prove my point.
me: "when you go out do you approach women?"
him: "sometimes."
me: "so women approach you a lot?"
him: "yeah."
me: "so do you make the 1st phone call after you meet someone?"
him: "naw, i let her call me."
me: "so women blow up your phone?"
him: "sometimes."
(as you can tell he is not the brightest light bulb in the box, but he is really nice looking)
based on conversation, i concluded that he puts forth no effort when it comes to dating. he shows no initiative and almost expects the woman to do everything. so he is definitely not taking you ANYWHERE on a first date. and i know all men are not like this, but this male subgroup seems to be growing rapidly. so now i need women to admit their contribution to the problem.

a guy once told me that some women don't require much and so they just don't give it. so ladies, when he suggest the "home visit", don't giggle and think its cute, JUST SAY NO! (c) Nancy Reagan. ladies no not be afraid to request an "outing" (keyword OUT). if he isn't interested in a real "date", then maybe he should be seeing someone who doesn't require too much work. ladies don't fall for the "no money" excuse either. there are plenty of free things to do in your area. there are parks, museums, free concerts, free movie screenings, happy hours with free food and reduced drink prices.....i know we are in a recession. here is a book that might help you out a bit with your choices. be proactive and don't allow the guy to make all the decisions. if he asked what you want to do, have a few suggestions. don't be demanding and pushy about it, just be prepared. for my female foodies who like good cuisine on their dates. so now you are fully prepared when the time comes.

so lets recap:
  1. home visits are a no go unless the courting phase has ended
  2. dudes don't be lazy, work a lil bit to please the ladies
  3. ladies be prepared with creative suggestions
i believe if we follow these simple steps, dating will become more interesting, less routine and less trifling.


Anonymous said...

Check my blog out! :D as usual, very nice post! i tagged you as one of my fav. blogs!

i just wanna say that also if you're two CONSENTING, MATURE adults; then home visits are fine also. Just lay all the cards on the table and let dude kno what time it is when its time to get down ya kno :D

take care !!

Kryssy said...

I know that's right girl! One of the BEST dates I've ever had was an afternoon spent walking around the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens... entry fee? $5 each...

Black Yoda said...

I tend to agree with you. I never thought of a home visit for a first date. If a girl is just a "jumpoff", then I wouldn't call it a date at all. Besides, I would think it's better (read safer) for you to go out when you're just getting to know someone. It sounds like you need some better guys to date.

Unknown said...

Ha! The story of my life. If you do let the dude come over, make him sit on the porch like I did. I only let homeboy in to use the bathroom.

MDUBB said...

I guess they're not willing to put you "on the level" that deserves a nice dinner or movie. That's a shame, good on you for not putting up with it.

MDUBB said...

I'd also rather you come to my house anyways. Home court advantage.

Kinda Esoterik said...

Nice blog. favourited! Coming from a dude, it's true what you say about the home visit. But I just met someone and she wanted to come to my place for our 2nd date. i would have never dreamed of inviting her over in case she thinks I'm only after the booty! *confusion*

Unknown said...

Too much work to date? For shame. Things that are worth having are worth working for. Clearly these guys aren't looking for anything of substinence. I guess they just want the p to fall in their lap with absolutely no effort. It make work sometimes, but that is a horrible practice.