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14 February 2009

when a man hits a woman.......

*please note that this is my opinion. one of my friends advised me to be objective, but i can only write about what i feel.*

i have avoided commenting on the whole Chrihanna situation because they were on my list of favorite couples. so of course i am disappointed more than most. i really like them both and i hate the tornado of negative, accusatory press that is surrounding them. but this blog is not about them. its about me.

no i have never been in an abusive relationship and wish a ni**a would raise his hand to me. but i have been fighting men all my life. i have never understood what it was about me that made men want to get physical and not in a sexual way. i always chocked it up to me being a bigger woman. by the time i was 12, i was 5'7" and wearing a d cup bra. i was taller than most of the guys in my class, so i never got any love from those dudes. they always had snide remarks or were just down right mean. i am not naive and i understand when people are trying to provoke me and sometimes "the gary" came out in me (gary is my dad and that is another story).

i recall interacting with some guys in my cousin's neighborhood and things escalated unexpectedly. one young man decided to practice his comedy routine using me as the butt of his jokes. the jokes were cute and people laughed, but i was not going to just stand idle. so i made a few of my own jokes and got a bigger response. and that is when the drama began. i only remember feeling his fist hit my face and then my glasses broke. my cousin screamed and the guy just stood there looking indifferent. when my aunt saw the bruise darkening on my face and my broken glasses in hand, she was livid. when she found out that i was hit by a young man, she immediately marched me down the street to his home to speak with his mother. his mother was not too happy with her son. of course she forced him to apologized and then slapped the sh*t out him. you can say i was redeemed, but why was it so easy to haul off and hit me in the first place?

when i started high school in a different part of town, i thought things would be better. it was actually worse. i was threatened by one guy because i saw him cheating on his girlfriend. i had a teacher pull me off of another young man after he threatened me. what the hell was i doing to invoke the wrath of all these young men? i can only assume it was a little teenage angst. these were not guys that had any interest in me (that i knew), so it was not about rejection. i was pretty well liked by most people, but the black boys took more of an interest in kicking my ass.

i have never been a "delicate flower" type of woman. my mother told me i was a little rough around the edges, but that doesn't give any man the right to strike me. but in all those instances, no one ever came to my rescue. there were other guys around when the threats came and when the punches were thrown, but no one stepped in to save me. it was if they really didn't care. but if i had been that "delicate flower" female, would they have come to my rescue? if i was the cute little lady, would the reaction have been different? the problem is that it shouldn't matter. if any women is being attacked by a man, the reaction should be the same.

so when all of the Chrihanna drama took place, lots of people chimed in on the issue of domestic violence. but where was all of that rage when ordinary women were being beaten, when the lady down the street walked past with a black eye, when you saw him push her out of the car while it was moving, what did you have to say then? Kanye, what monies have you donated toward domestic violence since you were "devastated" by the incident? Jay-Z, since it should not happen to any young girl, what are you doing to prevent that? what knowledge are you imparting on the community to diminish domestic violence? *crickets* i need for people to take a stance, period. not when it only effects you or people close to you.


AssertiveWit said...

I agree...thanks for that spin on things. I'm real interested to see if ANYONE who spoke out against the situation is willing to draw awareness to domestic violence...or if it was just more airtime of them being a celebrity.

Speaking of JayZ...I'll never understand how he could speak out so adamantly but there is footage of him mushing a woman in her face on Youtube...I guess it's okay to mush a woman in the face, just as long as you don't punch her?

Celebrities are clowns...

Ms_Slim said...

I agree with this post.

The Chrhianna incident happened a little over a week ago so hopefully with enough time, this opens eyes to these men (Ye, Jay, and others) and they'll do something substantial towards it. I think it all takes a little time if you have never been involved in such a thing before. (I can only hope they do the right thing)

I agree with AssertiveWit's statement on Jay-Z. Double standard is something else....smh.

I read somewhere that Jessica Alba and some others are a part of a remarkable foundation towards women battering. I'm glad they are doing something too...

Black Yoda said...

It does seem like some celebs just want to sound off and then move on. But I do think it's hard to give every situation its just due. The important thing will be how they/we act and what we do when the spotlight is no longer on the issue.

suga said...

I think alot of times, celebrities are FORCED to speak on situations. Mics are thrown in their faces, and questions are shouted out at them at red carpets, so of course they are going to say "this and that is bad and shouldn't have happened", even though they've never done anything to prevent "this and that" from happening. That's just the business, it seems.

I remember being 18, out partying with some friends, stopped at a gas station for about 30 minutes because this particular spot was crackin'. A man pulled up with a girl in the car and eventually they started arguing and while she is standing up next to the car with the car door open, he starts trying to close it, with her in the way. Imagine slamming your hand in the car door...but in this instance, it was her entire body. He did this 3 times, with everyone, mostly men, just standing there watching.

So a young woman spoke up and pleaded for him to stop. Do you know what he did? Walked over to her car and punched her in the face through the window...while everyone watched.

All I could think of was all these men standing there watching him beat on TWO women and no one even saying, "Hey man, hold up. Stop that". Nobody did anything.

Anonymous said...

I was a victim of domestic violence and I stayed...I attribute that (with the deepest sincerity) to not being schooled to the GAME. Young ladies must realize their worth and when a man goes to strike a woman he has worked himself up to doing so...meaning...he has pushed her, shoved her, cursed her, something...that gave him an inkling that he could hit her in the first place. These warning signs are so important and anyone who is dealing with domestic violence *male or female* needs to be privy to them so they can get out in time.

This incident will hopefully shed some much needed and necessary light on how some relationships tend to go sour and unspoken about...sometimes it takes a celebrity to help young folks wise up.

BlackGirlNameBev said...

"but if i had been that "delicate flower" female, would they have come to my rescue?"

Hell to da yeah!!!
You know that!!!

I was a little rough arond the edges when I was a teen ager too!
(some say I'm militant)
I used to whoop N***er asses girl!!!

Since I've grown into a matured woman though, I've ran into 4 or 5 guys that said they had a crush on me in high school but couldn't come to me because they were intimidated.
Damn right!
They should have been.
I remember this one guy stole me in the face because he tried to holla at me and I told one of my 'friends' and it got back to him that I told her. Je was PISSED.
Even though that happened over 20 yrs. ago, I'll never forget it and I'll never forget him. I could tell that he was apologetic, though but not once had he come to me and apologize.
Another guy, whom I liked a lot and vice versa (only he too seem to didn't want anyone to know-damn was I THAT bad?)came to me about two summers ago and apologized. He explained that he was jealous when he saw me sitting on the lap of another guy and my response to him was he acted like he didn't care anyway.
I don't know what it is with our brothers, girl. (smh) Or our people altogether for that matter!! Just seem to be too damn judgemental!!
As for Chris&Rhianna, to prevent from being a hypocrite, I think I'll keep my judgement to myself.