Ooooooh and I Like it....

I've been thinkin'
'bout you for quite a while
You're on my mind everyday and every night
My every thought is you, the things you do
Seems so satisfying to me,
I must confess it, girl

besides me loving this song a great deal, like every other black person over the age of 30; i can relate to the sentiment expressed in the lyrics. i am pretty sure that i have an addictive personality. most people who develop addictive personalities are predisposed to this type of disorder. please understand this is a self diagnosis, no professional has prescribed me any mind altering drugs (even though that doesn't seem like a bad idea); i'm just fleshing out some ideas to explain my demeanor. my dad used to drink heavily and smoke just as often. my older sister, with whom i share my father's bloodline, has also had some addiction issues. so to say that i may be predisposed to an addictive personality may not be far fetched. i don't smoke, never done any drugs, but i do like my liquor. i hardly drink like i did in college; losing chunks of time was not the move, so i slowed down. because i was aware of what my DNA possibly possessed, i focused on other things, like relationships and people. thus the notion my mother had of me "changing men like i changed my drawls."

my grandma deemed me boy crazy by 9 and my Humpday Hottie ritual Wednesdays on Twitter lets you know nothing about my grandma's declaration has changed. i was never one to have long relationships with men, but i figured it had more to do with my zodiac sign than any sort of addiction. but as i read about addictive personalities, i had to rethink my behaviors. here is some of the information that reminded me of me:

1. addictive individuals feel highly insecure when it comes to relationships.
2. may often find it difficult to make commitments in relationships or trust their beloved because of the difficulty they find in achieving long-term goals.
3. people suffering from addictive personality disorder usually undergo depression and anxiety, managing their emotions by developing addiction to alcohol, other types of drugs, or other pleasurable activities.

so let's combine the nomadic nature of a Sagittarius, the high level of insecurity in relationships, and the love of *cough* pleasurable activities. what you have is a recipe for disaster. how could i possibly maintain a stable, healthy situation with all of this going on? they say knowing is half the battle, but for me it may take a little professional help. again this is me just typing out loud, but think about these things for a moment.

• when i like something i REALLY like it. i used to go and sit in my ex's house before he went to work, just to be around him. that may sound cute, but sometimes it would be for 15 minutes and he lived 20 minutes away. O_o but I liked him so much, shame he did not feel the same.
  
• in my past relationships, because of my insecurities i have caused things to go horribly wrong. doubting the person that i am and thinking there is no way that someone could dig me this much. i'm not extraordinary in any way.
• pleasurable activities: drinking alone in my home, drinking out with my friends, surfing the internet for hours, drinking while tweeting....do you see a pattern?

most of my blogs have a lesson or some funny story, but this one was my a-ha moment. i have always been an open book, so why change that now. i hope you enjoyed my psychological analysis of self.