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22 June 2014

I likes ya and I wants ya

i am the queen of the non verbals. i wrote a four part series on flirting. for heavens sake, i taught people how to use their feet to flirt with men. so i will say that i am pretty good at the flirting thing. i am even better at picking up the signals of others. i have been watching people since i was a kid. early in life it was strictly nosiness, but as an adult i was making an effort to learn the behaviors of the opposite sex.

i did a two year internship with eight of my closest male friends and learned more than i should have about men. the takeaways from that in depth research project: tell guys what you want from them and everybody doesn't get those little hints that we swear are telltale signs of sexual gift offerings. those hint dropping tactics seemed like good ideas, but nobody bites the bait. so where do we go from here? let me tell you a story.

girl meets boy. girl likes boy. girl hangs out with boy and behaves coy, attempts to drop hints about her feelings. girl continues to drop hints, repeatedly. boy doesn't respond to hints. girl gets angry with boy and treats him differently. boy doesn't understand and focuses on the other girl who TOLD him she liked him. boy and second girl get married, have babies and live happily ever after.

that seems exaggerated, but that is pretty much what happened. it was my fear of rejection that prevented me from speaking up. you see, if he had picked up on my hints and initiated something romantic with me; i would have gone along with it and i would have what i wanted at that time. but when he didn't respond, i behaved like a young child who couldn't have my toy. i didn't think i was playing games, but i was attempting to manipulate his actions. am i reaching? no not really.

a lot of times instead of stating the obvious, the inferences are used to prevent us from getting our feelings hurt. but we are really just wasting time. all of the implications, coy smiles and hint filled banter online could end and be replaced with real kisses and hugs, dates and sexual activity. take it from Fleece Johnson, "I likes ya and I wants ya" works just fine. and sometimes you just have to take a chance.

so instead of playing cat and mouse, just be honest and speak out about how you feel. you might honestly be surprised by the response.


Rainne Rae said...

I totally agree. Speak up and be heard. In fact this can be used in any situation. Be bold and fearless...head up, speak up!

Unknown said...

someone once told me that if people didn't get their hints, they were just too stupid to realize they were being flirted with...I laughed because what if the people she was flirting with were thinking "she's too stupid to just come right out and say what she want"...

I suppose it's easier to assume that everyone SHOULD adopt our methods of interacting/flirting with a person of interest. Personally, an individuals intelligence never plays a factor in flirting. Whatever I really want, I'm clear about. If it aint that big of a deal, I don't make effort a priority. I don't spend much to any time engaging people who are coy, mainly cause I'm direct, not stupid. Different strokes for different folks, right? LOL

Don said...

Agreed. As men, we tend to love "flow."