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30 June 2014

What you say & what you do: They don't match

he said that he didn't want a relationship, but he wanted to do relationship things. he said the relationship stuff was what he missed most, but he didn't want a girlfriend. OKAY. so what are we doing? that is the question that was never answered. and i knew it would never be answered. he didn't know what he wanted, but he wanted it to be a non-relationship relationship. that made no damn sense to me, but that was his story and he stuck to it for two years.

he told me that he eventually was bullied into a relationship (that is a whole 'nother blog), but that only lasted four months. i knew it wouldn't last when it started, because he was not living his life congruently. when i say that word, i mean that his actions and words were not aligned. let me give you an example of the mixed messages he was passing out to all of the women he encountered.

i played the part of sounding board in his world. so when a lady that he was hardcore smashing decided that she wanted a relationship, he would contact me fuming about the caught feelings.
him: i told her in the beginning that i didn't want a girlfriend
me: okay
him: why can't she understand that?
me: so what have y'all been doing?
him: we go to dinner & she spent the night the other night. i got up and made her breakfast the next day
me: wayment what?
him: is that wrong?
me: sir, you are doing this all wrong. especially if you don't want any feelings involved.
him: but i like to give women the boyfriend experience.
me: but you DON'T want to be their boyfriend!

he was doing it all wrong and we had that conversation on several occasions. not that my advice mattered because he wanted what he wanted. he kept up his search until he found a woman to comply to his strange non-relationship relationship. i happened to be that woman. you see i had been a professional cut buddy for two years, so i knew how to play my role.

in my previous situation, we had sex and that was it. there was no holding of hands, no dinner dates or anything that resembled a relationship. so i was sure i could fulfill the request being made of me. i followed all of the instructions and stayed in my lane. i allowed him to guide me in the direction that he wanted, but a funny thing happened in the journey to the non-relationship relationship. what i did was still not what he really wanted.

then i realized he sent out all of these mixed messages to women because he was figuring everything out as he went along. he had no clue what he wanted and until he figured that out he was just going to have his fun. meanwhile he left a trail of hurt and pissed women along the way. he pushed me off the ride and instead of getting angry, i murdered him in my mind (coping mechanism).

i have decided the only clear way to decipher mixed messages or cease them altogether is to ask a simple question: what do you want? if he cannot answer that, i suggest you back away slowly or just run like hell in any direction away from that dude.

1 comment:

Don said...

Damn. This is one of the realest blogs, ever. So much honesty within the read that it forced me to think back to yesteryear and my bout with mixed messages. And it also made me realize I had some serious growing up to do.

"Professional cut buddy."

Sounds kind of boss. You should patent that title.