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19 July 2014

Actions speak louder than words?

"actions speak louder than words"
"i can show you better than i can tell you"
"show me don't tell me"
"i don't trust words, i trust actions"

i hear this so often, but i don't really believe that it's true. no, let me take that back. i'm kind of a jerk and i only follow your words. yes, your actions may reveal the truth, but i don't ever want to get the message confused. let me give you an example.

i liked this dude very much and after dating for a few weeks, we had sex. the sex was NOT good, but i thought the second time it would be better. after a few more dates, he decided to make a declaration.
him: we are just friends and i think we shouldn't have sex anymore.
me: oh. okay.
him: okay?
me: yeah that is cool. i can only respect your wishes.
*fast forward a week*
he and i went to the movies and afterwards we sat on his couch talking. he started to kiss me and i stopped him.
me: i think i should leave.
him: why? i thought we could ... ya know?
me: remember you said we shouldn't have sex. so i am just trying to respect your wishes. you have a good night though.
he spent the next 15 minutes begging for the cooch, but i left and went home. and yes i laughed all the way home.

this was a clear case where his actions spoke louder than his words, but i was not going to allow him to use his words against me. see he would have had sex with me and then when i would have expressed interest in a relationship of some sort, he would have referred back to his "words". so you see why i don't abide by that actions over words mess. people use their words as a safety net to refute their actions. they feel that as long as they say one thing, they cannot be held responsible for the things they do. and "show me don't tell me" gets people caught up.

think about that side piece or mistress (SP/MIS) who always talks about the things "their man" does for them. but that dude told them on day one he was NEVER leaving his wife/main chick for them. but the side piece is focusing on his actions. if you knew how many times i heard the phrase "that's what his mouth say". and that is what is mouth is going to continue to say. he may take her to the damn family reunion (because some dudes do too much), but everybody there will approach him and ask about his wife/main chick right in front of SP/MIS. because despite what she does with him, he has never spoken to his family about that SP/MIS. but the family know what her place is. sad, but very true.

most times the truth is in action. and if you observe long enough, you can figure out what is real based on behavior. but my advice is to just make a mental note of that. don't react to it until it is clearly stated in words. you never want to put your self in a situation where you are told you were mistaken. "i told you what it was." emphasis on told, not showed. and yes that seems silly, but is just a part of the miscommunication that is experienced in relationships daily.

*i write from a protect your heart standpoint. i am trying to be a little more vulnerable. i'm a work in progress*

1 comment:

Don said...

"me: oh. okay."

You fucked him up with that one. I imagined you saying those words as nonchalant as possible, too.

Far as action speaks louder than words - there were/are many times where I looked back at a woman's words compared to her actions, and realized that if the words and actions don't meet each other 1/2 way...then I gotta go by the actions.

For example, if she says she's never cheated on her man before...but then I find out that she messed around on her last boyfriend, then I know she "can stand a good watching."