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27 July 2014

Sex: Some of y'all are doing it wrong

i have been threatening to write a blog about sex, but didn't really want to dedicate the time to it.
but lately as i have perused Twitter, i have seen some very disturbing sexual theories being tossed around. and the responses to said theories have led me to believe that people adhere to these notions and follow them to the letter. since i am an old girl who has been around the block a few times, i wanted to address some of the foolishness that has come through my timeline on the interwebs.

1. men shouldn't make noise during sex - i saw a tweet come scrolling down my timeline but i could not discern if this was snark or if the guy was serious. silent sex is not a good thing and even though i've had it in my youth (had roommates, trying to be respectful), men should know better. how do you let your partner know that you are enjoying the sex if you are silent? *i'll wait*

2. prostitute sex - okay this is a phrase of my own making and it came about from watching too much Hookers on The Point on HBO. one of the primary rules of prostitutes is no kissing the client. so when i hear people on the interwebs talk about having sex with someone and not kissing them, i mentally make them prostitutes.

3. blind f*cking - most of the time, people have "sex moves" that they learned along their journey. but what they forget is that everybody is not the same and you can't use Daquan's favorite move on LaTroy. same with Sharanika and Jawakamatima. people like different things and people's bodies are different, so blanket sex styles don't work with everybody. if you use these blanket type moves, you ma'am and or sir are blind f*cking.

4. freaks with really low body counts - unfortunately this doesn't exist, get over yourself dudes. you want her to pop that coochie in a handstand and do a split on that d*ck, but she can only have two sexual partners. please say that out loud to yourself so you can hear your own stupidity. thanks!

5. women are not as sexual as men - i am not sure the women that you have been around, but keep believing that lie if you want. men sometimes don't want their women to be sexually aggressive, but in turn they can't complain about a woman not initiating sex. fellas, we want sex just as much if not more than you. put that in your mental Rolodex.

*there were several other topics i could have addressed, but i didn't want to be a dead horse beater*

so the next time you see some foolish sexual banter in your timeline, let me know. i would love to do a continuation of the list. remember i am here to educate the children.

1 comment:

Don said...

1. I don't think I've ever fucked without making a sound. Now that you mention, I'm trying to see how any dude can handle his business without making a sound? There will be some grunting or heavy breathing or something. Silent sex is definitely not "fucking." I be tripping when the woman is too loud. I'm like, "Baby you don't have to do a screen test for me."

4. Yep - that's the thing. As men, we want a woman that knows what she's doing in bed. We want a woman that's gonna curl our toes in bed. But guess what? All of that takes experience though. Well, unless the man and woman gained the experience over the years from one another.

5. "Once met a Gemini, ooh what a sex drive, she wanted it from the front, back, left, right..."